You Stay Classy, Louisiana!

Louisiana Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell refused to marry an interracial couple out of concern for their kids.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

See?! He's not racist, his bathrooms are INTEGRATED!!

Full story here, via Gawker.

Interracial Marriage and Political Candidacy

It is the start of fall, and with the start of fall comes election season! And what's election season without a little bit of race related politics!

Public Advocate candidate Bill de Blasio (a white man) has been accused by City Councilman Charles Barron of pandering to the black community by having flyers featuring his interracial family (his wife is black) distributed throughout the community. Full blog post from Gothamist here.

At first I feel a bit conflicted about this. On the one hand, I HATE HATE HATE being the "token" colored person to some white friends. I hate being the one they point to when they say "Of course I'm not racist! Look at my friend! I hang out with her!"

However, I'm certain that's not Bill de Blasio's purpose here. He's married to the lady and has beautiful interracial children, and it's simply a photo of his family on a flyer asking people to vote for him. The accusation that he's pandering to the black community by having that flyer is just ludicrous.

So while this article made me pause for a few seconds and reread and research just to make sure that Bill de Blasio wasn't exploiting his family, ultimately it makes me happy to see this campaign. No matter how progressive we think America is becoming (it's not), interracial couples are still in the minority, and there will always be people who are uncomfortable with it.

It also made me realize yet again that I'll always have a slight chip on my shoulder about being a woman of color married to a white man. If Bill de Blasio were black this would not be a news item at all. If his wife were white, also not a news item. But because they are an interracial couple it's all of a sudden a discussion and a no-win situation. If he puts them on a flyer, he's pandering. If he doesn't put them on a flyer, as one commenter astutely points out, he's ashamed of them.

As cultural barriers break down, what was considered "normal," if there was ever such a concept, is becoming less and less defined. Perhaps that is the reason there is still so much anger. Perhaps people are angry because they simply can't say "marriage" anymore and have that mean the same thing to everybody. It is heterosexual, same-sex, mixed-orientation, interracial, civil, religious, interfaith. As the times change there will always be people who fight it, but one thing is true of all of the types of marriage. It is a bond born out of mutual love and a promise to spend lives together.

Intercultural Differences and the Registry

Full disclosure in case you didn't know: I am Filipina and Dude is Southern.

Obviously there are differences because Dude has never left the continent and I was born and spent my childhood in the Philippines. But for the most part it has worked out for us, and we've found that in our everyday lives, there are more similarities than not. People are still people, after all.

My friend MonkeyGirl did an excellent post on Filipino wedding traditions here, some of which we'll also incorporate, but she does a far better job of describing them than I ever will so I'll let her post speak for itself.

What I do want to talk about today, is the registry.



Dude and I finished our first round of registering this weekend (I say first round because we may add to it if people use it for showers and things) and for the most part we are happy with it.

Here's the big difference - Filipinos don't register.

Now my memories of the Philippines are that of a little girl, so I don't actually know if that is the custom or etiquette, all I know is what I remember. I've been a flower girl in 10 weddings (17 aunts and uncles - without spouses) and nobody registered.

Basically gifts are just given, and most gifts are just cash. Most recently my cousins who are my age have started to get married and in their invitations they include wording that says "in lieu of gifts, the bride and groom would prefer cash for their future together" blah blah blah.

Yes, Miss Manners, they go right out and ask for money. One Filipino wedding my parents attended in Texas even included the couple's bank account number on the invitation.

I tend to split half and half between Filipino and American when it comes to my ideas on customs and etiquette, but I found this tacky. My parents, however, did not. My mom actually asked me today, "If you don't put it on the invitation, how do people know?"

As we go along this whole process of becoming a family I am sure more details like this will show up. So far it hasn't been a challenge - in fact Dude and I take a lot of delight in working these things out and picking and choosing the best from both cultures. This is a process, and both sides are still learning.

In this case, I'm going to let my mom handle the Filipino half.