The Bouquet Toss and My Aneurysm

I really, really, really hate the bouquet toss. I hate it so much that it makes me angry just thinking about it.

I know a lot of my friends say that it's one of the big privileges of being a bride is to throw the bouquet, and that it's just a fun thing to do and people like me shouldn't read too much into it. And, if you're one of those people who don't mind it or actually enjoy it, then I'm happy for you and I'll get in that group because you asked me to and it's your daaaay... but I won't fake enthusiasm and I wouldn't catch your bouquet even if you threw it at my face.

The thing is, it's not the symbolism of the bouquet toss that I hate. I couldn't give a crap about the symbolism and the "next to marry" thing, who thinks such things anyway?

What I really hate is the exclusion of all single females in the group. As a female who for the time being still falls into the group of women who get called out in weddings for this stupid tradition, I hate being specifically called out, to fake this desperation. It's like, let's remind you all that your one purpose in life is to get married so why don't you get in a group so we can single you out and make one of you really uncomfortable! And then heaven forbid you refuse to get up to do this, then you are a BAD GUEST.

I would go so far as to say the one thing that makes me really excited about getting married is never having to be made to catch the bouquet ever again. Hallelujah!

So... there won't be any bouquet toss at my wedding, and I'm not apologizing for that.

Finally, Something for Him

Yesterday we got (through the strings of my jeweler mom) Dude's wedding band!



It's pretty simple, a comfort fit 7mm white gold band in his size. I was surprised at how heavy it was, but that was completely my mom's doing. She didn't want every little bump to dent the ring.

I have to say, I felt all kinds of funny when he put it on. It was the first time, I think, that it all became real to me.

Intercultural Differences and the Registry

Full disclosure in case you didn't know: I am Filipina and Dude is Southern.

Obviously there are differences because Dude has never left the continent and I was born and spent my childhood in the Philippines. But for the most part it has worked out for us, and we've found that in our everyday lives, there are more similarities than not. People are still people, after all.

My friend MonkeyGirl did an excellent post on Filipino wedding traditions here, some of which we'll also incorporate, but she does a far better job of describing them than I ever will so I'll let her post speak for itself.

What I do want to talk about today, is the registry.



Dude and I finished our first round of registering this weekend (I say first round because we may add to it if people use it for showers and things) and for the most part we are happy with it.

Here's the big difference - Filipinos don't register.

Now my memories of the Philippines are that of a little girl, so I don't actually know if that is the custom or etiquette, all I know is what I remember. I've been a flower girl in 10 weddings (17 aunts and uncles - without spouses) and nobody registered.

Basically gifts are just given, and most gifts are just cash. Most recently my cousins who are my age have started to get married and in their invitations they include wording that says "in lieu of gifts, the bride and groom would prefer cash for their future together" blah blah blah.

Yes, Miss Manners, they go right out and ask for money. One Filipino wedding my parents attended in Texas even included the couple's bank account number on the invitation.

I tend to split half and half between Filipino and American when it comes to my ideas on customs and etiquette, but I found this tacky. My parents, however, did not. My mom actually asked me today, "If you don't put it on the invitation, how do people know?"

As we go along this whole process of becoming a family I am sure more details like this will show up. So far it hasn't been a challenge - in fact Dude and I take a lot of delight in working these things out and picking and choosing the best from both cultures. This is a process, and both sides are still learning.

In this case, I'm going to let my mom handle the Filipino half.

Poll of the Day

An open thank you note to our parents and siblings on the cover of our programs. (Two notes, one by me and one by him.)

Yay or nay?

Yes!

I usually stay away from too many wedding blogs because truth be told, they make me feel like a slacker. But today on Weddingbee was the best post that has just cheered me up. Here you go.

It is just a wedding.

A Little Undecided

My DIY hairpiece is taking shape, and I'm a little iffy on it. Maybe the beads are too thin? Maybe I need them to be a little more substantial? I don't know. It cost me ony a few dollars and an hour to make, so it's not a big deal, but still...

Pics behind the cut.

Some More Projects to Add to the DIY List

- Some kind of coverup to go over my dress (March weather is a tossup in NYC)
- Ring Pillow

I think it's time to start making a high level schedule for all this.

I Think I Messed Up the Save the Dates

So, I finished the save the date cards last week (woo-hoo!) and sent them off to the printer. A couple of days ago, I realized I may have left off something really important. Instead of listing hotel options, I only referred my guests to our wedding website "for more information". I thought this would be enough information until I started looking at all the save the dates I've received in the last few months, and all of them (except one) have hotel information either as an extra insert or on the back of the card.

I think that most of my guest list would know to look at the website, and over half are local and wouldn't need hotels, but I got to thinking if this is something that needs to be spelled out.

What do I do?
- Option A - make a quick insert and put it in with the save the dates
- Option B - stop thinking about it, the referral to the website is enough and you are comparing yourself to other people which you swore you wouldn't do

I Just Have to Get This Off My Chest

There is no theme to my wedding.

I refuse to have one or two words define the mood, I will not match everything, and it's very likely that what we end up having will not make any sense to anybody there. But that doesn't matter... it will make sense to me and Dude.

After we got engaged, I mistakenly used the term "whimsical" to my mom, but what I really meant was "non-traditional". But, that's not entirely true either. We are using some traditional elements (not a lot, but some) and some non-traditional. Our sites are modern and my dress is kind of romantic and vintagey. We'll do a cake cutting, but no bouquet toss (that is a post for another day).

We are not throwing a wedding with a theme. We are throwing a party and the theme is wedding.

More than a few people have given me weird looks when I try to explain this.

One of my friends said it best, as she tried to calm me down after a particularly frustrating day. She said that some people are really, really, really into personalizing their weddings, and if you don't either, then they view it as a reflection of your (poor) taste.

You know what? I do have poor taste. I hang on to old clothes and old furniture and there is no cohesive design to my apartment. The Queer Eye guys (remember those guys?) and Tim Gunn would certainly frown on me. But that's me. I never claimed to be a classy lady. I like things that are comfortable and things that make me laugh. I prefer to invest in nice electronics and books rather than clothes and accessories. I have kind of a sick sense of humor. I don't really have any romantic sensibilities and I hate hate hate kissing pictures.

To me, a great ceremony is one in which people are giggling and laughing, not crying and sentimental.

Now that I've said it... let's boogie.

For My Sanity

DIY Projects (I'm sure this is not the final list)

Save the Dates (completed)
Invitation Sets - Invitations, RSVP Cards
Centerpieces
Cupcake Stand
Programs
Veil
Hairpiece
Out of Town Bags (undecided if we're having these)
Birdseed Holders

Everyone Says I'll Be Sorry, But...

Here's one confession that will make all wedding planners, both traditional and not, gasp...

Dude and I don't really care too much about pictures.

Every book and website I've seen has been all, you have to invest in photography, because that will be the only thing you have for the years to come that will remind you of your wedding day.

That's great and awesome and I totally agree... but we just don't care. There are a few big pictures that I want (portraits, family shots, and a few surprises that you'll have to wait until the wedding to see), but that's it. And with the proliferation of digital cameras, I am more than confident that my family and friends will all take photos of which we'll want copies anyway.

So I just didn't see any point in dropping the 10% of the budget I'm supposed to drop on a photographer. Basically all we wanted was a photographer who wouldn't be annoying and all in everyone's faces, who could capture all the important stuff, and could be easygoing and not let my sometimes overeager aunt hog all the pictures.

We decided to go with Mariano Delgado. This is the one shot that finally convinced me that he was our man:



And, one of my coworkers is a budding photographer who wants to build his wedding portfolio for extra cash. I think I could talk him into being a second photographer for REAL cheap (hopefully free).