Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 3

Different, but could be cool...


Image via {Save on Crafts}

I have not ruled out these money tree branches, but I have some reservations. First, I need to order a sample, because as we saw with the fake rose bouquet, the photos could look way better than in person. Second, is there any chance that I'll be allergic to these?

Thirty Minutes

Last night as I was making my Halloween costume, Dude and I had the Barack Obama 30 minute special on TV. How could you not, it was everywhere. And, I am embarassed to say this, but it made me teary. That's a lot coming from me, because I don't cry often (except occasionally at cheesy movies and at the Yankees, but never about things that matter).

I cried because as I watched the special, I felt nothing but pride for Barack Obama and for what he stood for. It was like a preview of what it would be like to have a President Obama, a president who was intelligent and articulate and one that I was proud of. And I cried because if that doesn't come true next Tuesday, I fear I will lose faith in my fellow Americans.

Regardless of what happens I will never leave the United States. My parents did not sell all of their belongings and leave their family and friends and move here for a brighter future for their children so that I could leave the moment things got rough. I am proud to be an American, even when being an American is met with disdain when I travel. But perhaps if there is a President Obama, I will be even prouder, without the fear of disdain... or at least a little less of it.

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 4

This particular lesson is often a very sore subject with most brides I know, and I hesitate a little bit to even bring it up, but I do think that even if people don't agree with it, they should still at least talk about it.

Part 4 - Be Practical, Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst (and Get a Prenup)

My college roommate got married several years ago, and one of the most important orders of business before they got married was the prenuptual agreement. The idea was completely hers. When I asked her why, she said that since he was a bit older than her and obviously had assets she didn't have, that she wanted to have this agreement so that if in the unfortunate case they split, that there was an agreement, and she couldn't let her anger be a factor in the division of the assets. I asked her if she thought this unromantic, and she said, yes, it is unromantic, but in marriage, and in life, she likes to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Everytime I see this topic there's always so much sensitivity around it, and rightfully so, I suppose. Weddings are about hope for the future, and prenups are just so... business-y. As for me, I've never been one for grand gestures of romance. I actually think it's really romantic that someone would say, "I love you so much that I'm making this agreement with you, unchanging, so that if we fall on hard times that my anger and resentment won't threaten assets you rightfully should have."

Sometime in the last few months, someone told me that if I was planning to be married forever, I wouldn't have a prenup. To which I told her, BECAUSE I'm planning to be married forever, I don't CARE that I'll have a prenup.

And, it's not like our prenup is a going to be this significant piece of legal documentation. We don't have many assets, but since we have different saving patterns our assets are unequal. My engagement ring and wedding band are both Dude family heirlooms and MUST be returned no matter what. We also received a piece of artwork from Dude's step grandmother that really should stay in the Dude family as well. And, most importantly, Dude should be covered since he will leave the workforce and will eventually stay at home with the kids.

I'm a practical girl, and "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" is totally up my alley.

By the way, my friend is totally still happily married.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 2

At the beginning, I held out hope that there might be low pollen or allergy-free flowers that we could use. But while several local florists offered "allergy-free" flowers (and note I used the John McCain "health of the mother" air quotes here, you didn't think I could resist with one week before the election, did you?) one of my bridesmaids warned me before of these "allergy-free" alternatives. She ordered them for her wedding but sure enough, she and I and the other bridesmaids were sneezing through the ceremony.

I called a lot of florists in the area and specifically asked for quotes for regular and "allergy-free" flowers and first of all, the price difference was outrageous. Not that I expected regular flowers to be in any way reasonable (Two thousand dollars are you kidding me? And that was the cheap end!) the allergy free ones were twice that because many were out of season.

While the price alone made me rule this option out altogether, I couldn't very well completely dismiss it without at least trying it. So I called the florist with the lowest quote, ordered a 2 or 3 stems of "allergy-free" flowers, and had them delivered to my boss's office.

I was sneezing within 10 minutes of their arrival, and my desk was about 20 feet away. What can I say, sometimes my body amazes me.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 1

As you all know, I'm allergic to flowers, and so one of the biggest undecided items has been what in the world do I and the ladies hold while walking down the aisle?  I've been through many a suggestion and for the next few weeks I'll show what I've eliminated, and hopefully, what we'll end up using.  I should note that we haven't yet found an acceptable alternative. Here's hoping.

Eliminated Bouquet Alternative, Part 1

Image via {Save on Crafts}

Pretty in the photo, right? Yeah, not so pretty in person. Fake flowers just look so.... fake. And to make them not look fake, you'd have to pony up a lot more than you would if you just got real flowers in the first place.

Thankfully, the sample I bought didn't completely go to waste.  One of my coworkers has a grandmother in Brooklyn who loves fake flowers.  So I gave it to her.

So, no fake flowers.  

On Green Weddings

Recently somebody in my life berated me on not having a green wedding. Some points of criticism were:

• My caterer more than likely doesn't use organic produce
• I didn't use recycled paper in my save the dates
• I'm not using recycled paper in my invitations or programs
• I don't know if my dress is made from organic materials (it probably isn't)
• I don't really remember anything else because this is all a bunch of hot air to me

Now, don't get me wrong, I think that trying to be green is a very worthy and noble thing to aspire to. I don't do anything actively green in my life, but I do know that my way of living is the best I could make it for the environment, considering Dude and I live in a small apartment (doesn't take much to heat or cool or light), we take public transportation every day (don't own a car), recycle when possible, and buy from local vendors.

You know what makes our wedding green? The fact that 80% of our guest list don't have to fly and are taking public transportation to get there. That the hotel, chapel, and reception venue are all within walking distance of each other and we are planning to walk everywhere. That we're not doing much for decoration other than a bunch of candles on the tables (less shit to throw out).

But what really bugs me, is that this person doesn't even live a green lifestyle. It's all great and good to try to be green at your wedding, every little bit helps, but when you commute to work with two SUVs and own a huge house that needs a lot of energy to heat, your carbon footprint far exceeds mine, even if I don't use the stupid recycled paper. Also because everyone at her wedding had to fly to get there. Real green, sister.

It's Time to Delegate

Having found myself incredibly overwhelmed at work, I finally decided to relinquish control and hand over the honeymoon planning to Dude. The latest iteration is some combination of Italy, Greece, and Croatia, maybe Turkey also. We will definitely be driving part of the way, definitely need to hit Trieste to visit some family, and possibly a cruise to hit the rest. But this past Sunday I spent all day poring over ticket prices and cruise reviews and my trusty Rick Steves Italy book. I drove myself crazy.

No more! No more!

And the bouquets or bouquet alternatives! I don't care anymore! I'd sooner carry pot roast down the aisle! Other stuff I no longer care about - invitations, out of town bags, favors, shoes, videographer, centerpieces!!! They are done and the decisions have been made and I'm not entertaining any more ideas!!!!!

And John McCain can kiss my liberal-feminist-ass!

(Driving myself crazy, can you tell?)

This is Not a Wedding Related Post

We are two and a half weeks away from the election and as such I cannot keep my mouth shut. This is going to be my obligatory political post and if you don't care to read it, please move on.

Be warned - my level of profanity greatly increases in this post as I remember all the points that bother me.

I will not be voting for John McCain for the following reasons:

1. Because he opposes gay marriage.
2. Because I firmly believe that when it comes to the economy, he has no fucking clue what he's talking about. Especially when he says shit like "Fannie and Freddie Mae." Moron.
   
3. He owns multiple properties, I'm still not clear on how many but it's probably 8, and I believe anyone who owns that many properties is clearly not affected by the same issues as the person who only has one and can barely pay his mortgage.
4. I don't want to discriminate based on age, but McCain is clearly not going to be affected long-term by any boneheaded policy his administration might make.
5. Because he puts into air quotes "the health of the mother," like it's some imaginary thing, like he is a "viable" candidate for presidency. Note, this point is NOT ABOUT ABORTION but about his apparent disdain for a terrible choice that many unfortunate women have to make: your baby or your life.
   
6. I do not respect any man who calls his wife a trollop and a c*nt because she ruffled his balding head.
7. Especially because he lives off of her inheritance.
8. And he opposes a bill that gets rid of the statute of limitations on women who bring lawsuits against pay discrimination. (I think the current maximum is 180 days - don't quote me on that as I'm not 100% - but pay discrimination often takes years to prove.)
9. And he says that women suing for equal pay is not the way to get higher paying jobs, but to get more education and training. Like, fuck you, you fucking fuck. We already ARE educated and trained, and we're still paid less, that's the whole fucking point.
   
10. I am deeply offended by his naming Sarah Palin as a running mate, because I think it was a cheap ploy to get women to vote for him. As if he thinks that I will overlook all of Sarah Palin's inadequacies because OH MY GOD, SHE HAS BOOBS AND A VAGINA, JUST LIKE ME. AND SHE'S SO PRETTY AND CHARMING. LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE CAN'T NAME A SPECIFIC NEWSPAPER AND THINKS HER PROXIMITY TO RUSSIA QUALIFIES HER IN THE FOREIGN POLICY DEPARTMENT.
    

Fuck you John McCain.

Question

When should I bring in my dress to the tailor?

I have some major alterations to be done. My dress is two pieces, both of which need to be taken in and shortened. Also, the lace appliques on the outer piece need to be taken off and then put back on after the outer piece has been made smaller. All in all my dress needs to go from a 14 to a 6, I think. And both pieces will need some sort of bustle.

Is it too soon now?

On Siblings

I visited my hometown this weekend, mostly to visit my mom but also to start gathering photos for our wedding slideshow. Our venue has a lot of flat screen TVs and so I want to have the slideshow play in loop throughout the entire evening. I've never been a fan of the stop-everything-and-watch-this kind of slideshow, though I acknowledge that it's an extremely poignant and cherished thing to do. But I didn't want to make anyone watch it, so I think I'll be captioning everything and just leaving it on all night.

But I digress again.

As I searched through boxes and boxes of unorganized photos, it suddenly dawned on me just how much of my personality comes from my brother. Or maybe it's his personality that comes from me, who knows. It's no secret that we are freakishly close and have the same sense of humor and the same taste in movies and get in trouble all in the same way. We look nothing alike but all we have to do is start talking and there's pretty much no mistaking. As I looked through all these photos of us growing up I realized how much of my life has always involved him. We fought like crazy, but we were pals. And I felt this sense of new fondness for him, the only person in the world who knew what it was like when our parents left us in the Philippines to build a new life in America, who knows exactly how lonely that was, who entertained me through our entire childhood since both our parents were workaholics. My fiercely loyal brother who once threatened an ex-boyfriend of mine when another girl started flirting with him.

As I go through the process of wedding planning I am constantly reminded of the role that people play in my life, and I'm truly grateful for each and every one of them.

My brother rocks.

On Dancing

If you don't know me and have just started reading this blog, you may not know that I am a dancer. I've been dancing practically since I could walk, and it's the one thing that I can do where I can block out every other part of my life.

But Dude is not a dancer. It makes him pretty uncomfortable and so we have some work to do in terms of our first dance.

On a tangent, I don't understand why male dancers are generally thought of as effeminate. Statistically speaking there are a lot of homosexual men in dance. But the whole concept of pairs dancing, where there is a definite masculine role and a definite feminine role... I'd actually argue that dance forces masculinity in men, at least when it comes to male-female pairs dancing. The masculine role in pairs dancing is always masculine, and when the masculine dancer's not, the whole thing looks odd and uncomfortable and poorly executed.

And on another tangent, it kind of bothers me that many American men I know look down on dance as a "gay" thing to do, like it's a threat to their precious masculinity. Dance is such a basic form of expression and those who do dance will tell you it's such a natural high to allow your body to be in sync with your emotions (often celebratory).

But I digress.

Because I'm a dancer I'm very very picky about how I'm perceived, especially with my partner, when dancing. So I've pretty much given up on Dude doing anything complicated. I am choreographing a simple dance to an upbeat, fun-loving song, and Dude will most likely be standing around while I do chaines and pirouettes around him. I hope my dress won't be a hindrance.

A win for everybody!

Connecticut Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

Connecticut became the third state to legalize same-sex marriage today in a 4-3 decision by the state Supreme Court.

In an 85-page decision issued at 11:30 a.m., the court struck down a law barring same-sex marriage, ruling that the state had "failed to establish adequate reason to justify the statutory ban."

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 3

Part 3 - Make Your Own Rules

Full disclosure: we own a copy of Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus. I'm not a fan of it*, but I'll admit there are some pretty good insights into people in general and I don't regret reading it.

There is a section in the book that reads:

To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone. [...]
To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.

It's actually the opposite in our home. I'm the one that needs the cave, and Dude is the one to talk openly when stressed.

We're planning on having me stay in the workforce and Dude be a stay at home Dad.

We get a lot of raised eyebrows when we share these pieces of news, but that's us. This is the way in which our lives work for us. We can be unconventional sometimes, but we are also conventional about a lot of things. We have to make it work for us and our family.

*in general I resent anything that makes broad generalizations about gender, though admittedly I can be hypocritical about that sometimes

Le Sigh.

It's a long story so I won't bore you with all the details but we've changed our minds about Japan. Since we'll be going to the Philippines the Christmas after we get married it didn't make sense to take two incredibly long flights in the same year. So we're going to Japan after we visit the Philippines, and are back to square one on the honeymoon plans.

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 2

Part 2 - You Don't Have to Do Everything Together

A friend from my dance class just returned from Vegas. I asked her if she won or lost and she said she didn't go there to gamble, she went there for Mr. Olympia.

me: "Mr. Olympia the muscle man thing?"
friend: "Yeah." (Friend weighs something like 90 lbs and is so not the body building type)
me: "You don't strike me as being into body building."
friend: "I'm not, my husband is. It was his birthday present."
me: "How was it?"
friend: "I wish I sent him with his friends and I stayed home."

It is really sweet, I think, when you do something you totally hate because your partner enjoys it. But is it worth it if it builds resentment?

This is pretty relevant to our relationship in general. I am a dancer and Dude is a swimmer, and we both actively hate each other's hobby. Occasionally, we'll humor each other. Occasionally I let Dude teach me to swim, and I didn't complain (much) when the Olympics were on. I try to get him to appreciate dance on TV, or at least he doesn't mind (much) when I practice at home. I wouldn't try to drag him to a performance and he wouldn't try to drag me to a meet. It sounds like we are being unsupportive, but I think it's the complete opposite. We completely understand that even though we don't understand or enjoy each other's hobby, that we need them, and having them makes us better people and therefore better partners to each other.

Divorcing Myself From Weddingbee

Weddingbee was at one point my one stop shop of how to do wedding related stuff, and I have to say it helped quite a bit. I'm sad to say that I'll no longer be reading it, because Weddingbee was just recently bought by eHarmony.

In case you are unaware, eHarmony does not allow the gay community to use their services. This is discrimination, pure and simple. They hide this discrimination by saying that they are diverse (look at all the colored people on our diversity section!) but that the gay community is simply a market that their business model is not going to pursue. They say that by allowing the gay community to use their services they would have to "tweak" their special scientific formula for matchmaking. They say that their goal is ultimately marriage, and like it or not, homosexual marriage is still illegal for the most part.

This is horseshit.

If eHarmony were a bus service and had this same policy, we would be back to the pre-civil rights years. If it were any other type of business, there would be riots - what if it were a retail store, or a restaurant? How would the people react to "We won't serve you because you're gay"?

Okay, so it isn't a retail store or a restaurant or a bus service. It's a matchmaking service. But then I'll have to throw back that Jdate caters to the Jewish community specifically, but you don't have to be Jewish to join Jdate. In fact there's a growing number of folks on Jdate who specifically announce that they are non-Jews looking for Jewish partners.

This is discrimination.

That coupled with eHarmony's affiliation with Focus on the Family, ugh, don't even get me started on a group that tries to convert homosexuals, insinuating it is a choice.

This is a wedding planning blog, not a politics blog, but while the government still tells me who I can marry and by whom and what rights I get or don't get because I'm married, it will always be political. Forty years ago it would have been illegal for me to marry Dude. Forty years. My parents would have been in their teenage years... that's frighteningly recent.

I'm hoping that (much) sooner than forty years from now, my gay family and friends will be able to have the same rights as I do. Call it marriage, call it civil union, it doesn't matter, a rose by any other name...