Random Health Insurance Thoughts

A few thoughts, in no particular order...

Not only will insurance companies deny your child a needed liver transplant, their employees will taunt you by giving you the finger. HAHA! Protest all you want, your kid is still dead!

Pharmaceutical companies, while jacking up costs of drugs, at least produce something helpful. I mean, sure, they probably should have cured cancer or AIDS or Alzheimer's before they cured baldness and erectile dysfunction, but at least they have a product. What are insurance companies, really? They are middle men who profit off your health.

If you oppose the "socialist" public option you must not be allowed to use other "socialist" publicly funded programs, such as the public school system, fire departments, police departments, the post office, and libraries. You must also give back any financial aid you received from the federal government for higher education and stop using paved roads and highways.

Health reform must include emphasis on wellness. We're not going to cut down costs if people keep eating to the point of gluttony, smoking like chimneys, drink to oblivion, and live on their couches.

Okay, Carrie, Here is Your 15th Minute...

This is Carrie Prejean and she is ALL ABOUT being BIBLICALLY CORRECT.



[via TMZ]

I would also like to bring forth a motion to stop using the term "opposite marriage," even if it's in mockery of said Ms. Prejean. Clearly there are morons in the world who think that it's a real phrase.

Proof that the United States is Truly Sick

Two of the top three most viewed stories on CNN.com is about Facebookers and Jon Gosselin. False rumors about healthcare is second.

I fear for the future.

I Love You Barney Frank

Take note, Democrats, this is how you should respond to crazies.



In case you don't feel like watching, here is the text

Crazy nutjob: Why do you continue to support a Nazi policy as Obama has expressly supported this policy, why are you supporting it?

Barney Frank: ...When you ask me that question I am going to revert to my ethnic heritage and answer your question with a question. On what planet do you spend most of your time?

You stand there with a picture of the President defaced to look like Hitler and compare the effort to increase healthcare to the Nazis by answering you with, as I said before, it is a tribute to the First Amendment that this kind of vile contemptible nonsense is so freely propagated. Ma'am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table, I have no interest in doing it.

Listen folks, comparison to Nazis is a big fucking deal. You can't just throw that out there, just like you wouldn't just throw out the N word, you can't do it for anything less than genocide. Healthcare reform? Not genocide.

A Letter

Dear Mr. President:

Please grow some fucking balls. You campaigned on healthcare reform and no legitimate reform can be made without a public option. You who are so fond of being on TV should tell everyone absolutely with no preconditions that public option is a necessity and you will not sign a reform bill without it. You've already backed down on end of life counseling, counseling that WAS ALREADY IN PLACE. Why? Because some whiny assholes screamed lies about death panels.

Listen, I like you. I really REALLY like you. I appreciate you wanting bipartisanship, but instead of the dream of singing kumbaya around a campfire, put your fucking foot down and get this thing through. The people elected a Democratic majority. Use it. If you back down, your critics will forever nail you for getting struck down by Sarah Palin's Facebook posts.

Love,
Another One Bites the Dust

Posting About Healthcare is the New Black, at Least on This Blog

This NY Times Op-ed Piece is pretty close to how I feel about healthcare reform, and its comparisons to other countries. It's not long so I'd encourage everybody to read it, if only for the incredibly amusing first three paragraphs. Which, I will now quote here because they are so darn good.

It was the blooper heard round the world. In an editorial denouncing Democratic health reform plans, Investor’s Business Daily tried to frighten its readers by declaring that in Britain, where the government runs health care, the handicapped physicist Stephen Hawking “wouldn’t have a chance,” because the National Health Service would consider his life “essentially worthless.”

Professor Hawking, who was born in Britain, has lived there all his life, and has been well cared for by the National Health Service, was not amused.

Besides being vile and stupid, however, the editorial was beside the point. Investor’s Business Daily would like you to believe that Obamacare would turn America into Britain — or, rather, a dystopian fantasy version of Britain. The screamers on talk radio and Fox News would have you believe that the plan is to turn America into the Soviet Union. But the truth is that the plans on the table would, roughly speaking, turn America into Switzerland — which may be occupied by lederhosen-wearing holey-cheese eaters, but wasn’t a socialist hellhole the last time I looked.

Some anecdotes from my own life to add into the mix. I worked in Toronto for almost a year and during that year I got very sick, multiple times. I also have traveled quite a bit and have been sick in any number of countries. Read below to see the outcome of my experiences. Also note that all my expenses below are out of pocket, full cost, because I was not and had never been a resident of Canada or any other country other than the Philippines and therefore am not covered by any national program.

Anecdote 1: An evening in the emergency room, Toronto

I leave work early on a Tuesday evening and I'm coming down with something. My temperature is rising, I can't breathe, and I have what looks to be pink eye. I wait it out in my apartment until it is unbearable, and so I go across the street to the emergency room. After a five hour wait I got two prescriptions from the doctor, I paid $400 Canadian dollars (at the time still worth less than US dollars), and got my prescriptions at $20 total.

Total cost of emergency room and medicine: $420 Canadian

Verdict: While 5 hours wasn't exactly great, it's still better than any emergency room I've been to in the United States, also cheaper. Also keep in mind that I did what most uninsured people in the US do - wait until the condition was awful and then went straight to the ER. No preventive care.


Anecdote 2: A Pleasant Doctor's Visit, Toronto

I have an eye issue that won't go away. There is redness and pain but no photosensitivity or change in vision. After my evening in the ER I ask my Canadian coworker for the name of her doctor. I call to make an appointment and get one that afternoon. The receptionist asks me for my insurance card at which point I explain that I'm a nonresident and need to pay out of pocket. I get a prescription from the doctor.

Total cost of doctor and medicine: $50 Canadian

Verdict: Are you fucking kidding me? It's fucking awesome! When was the last time the doctor only charged $50 (actually it was $30 and the prescription was $20) TOTAL?! I can't even talk to my doctor on the phone without getting charged!


Anecdote 3, not exactly medical: A Chipped Tooth, Toronto

I chipped my front tooth during an ill-fated St. Patrick's Day in Miami. It wasn't too bad but it was noticeable enough and I wanted to get it fixed right away. My dentist in Manhattan did not have appointments on Fridays (the only day I was in the city at the time). I decided to get it done in Canada.

Total cost of repairing chipped tooth: $80 Canadian

Verdict: There are no words for how awesome this is. I can't even get a cleaning for $80 in the US.

Anecdote 4: Unbearable Eczema, Croatia

While on my honeymoon the eczema on my arms flared up. I stupidly forgot my amazing cream and so I toughed it out for a while until I could no longer handle it and it was waking me up in the middle of the night. Normal cortisone creams or calamine lotions do not work on this eczema, trust me, I've tried everything. I went to a pharmacy. I pointed at the eczema and said please help me. The pharmacist gave me two creams.

Total cost of "visit" plus creams: 60 kuna, or about $12 USD

Verdict: If this were to happen to me in the US, I would have had to visit my doctor, get a prescription, then pay for the prescription, which would have been a lot more than $12 USD.


I am not sharing all this because I think Canada or Croatia is perfect because I don't (no offense to Canada or Croatia but nothing is perfect), nor do I really advocate the Canadian health system. I'm sure it has its problems, as everything does. But the fact that I had three medical issues in Canada that cost me $550 Canadian, TOTAL, not copay, not deductible, not anything else, means that there is something seriously broken in the United States healthcare system. When I look at my Explanation of Benefits, I see that some of my visits cost $800 each. I pay only $25 because I have excellent coverage, but seriously, $800 for an hour's visit?

Still think we don't need reform?

Honest to Goodness Non-Snarky Political Questions

Were the conservatives this batshit crazy when Bill Clinton was President? Or during the Gore vs. Bush election? Or during the Kerry vs. Bush election?

I don't recall this level of batshitness. Granted I was 12 when Bill Clinton was sworn in, but I was 20 by the time Bush came around, so I was well aware of the world around me, and I don't recall this level of... hysteria. Nor do I recall this level of crazy during the 2000 and 2004 elections.

If the conservatives were not this crazy during the Clinton years or during the other elections, what other possible reason could there be for all this craziness other than our current President is black? Why is he being dissected so much more than anybody else before him? He doesn't have particularly original ideas, not much more than his predecessors.

The only thing I might throw out there is that in the Internet age, access to information is so vast, and access to mis-information is even more so.

What's really fascinating is that this hysteria is about the most BORING SUBJECT IN THE WORLD. Healthcare. You don't even have to opt into the public option if you have employer insurance. There are no death panels, that was a stupid lie made up by an executive of a medical equipment company. I find it particularly hysterical that the people screaming against the government taking control over your end of life procedures (which it's not, all the bill does is FUND COUNSELING) are the same people who stopped everything and interfered with Terri Schiavo's next of kin when it was time for her End.

I really, honestly think, that all this nonsense is because Barack Obama is black, and those who say otherwise are really in denial. Defeating healthcare reform, while harmful to the rest of the country and for millions of Americans, would be a huge political blow to Obama, and that's what's important to these protesters.

What is so wrong about giving everyone healthcare? Really. I have yet to hear the protests from the other side, because all they do is scream and yell like 5 year olds. Except all the 5 year olds I know actually know how to listen.

Bah Humbug

I seem to have nothing positive to blog about these days, so you're all treated to yet another rambling on race in America.

You've no doubt heard about Professor Gates being arrested in his own home. You've also no doubt heard that President Obama directly addressed this situation when asked about it and said the officers acted "stupidly" and now the GOP is all up in their panties. Is it just me, or has the right gone completely batshit? Newsflash: you lost. We endured you for 8 years. You want to talk about a possible illegitimate President? How about one who didn't even win the popular vote in 2000? Stop saying this President was born in Kenya, BECAUSE HE WASN'T.

But again, I digress. Back to Gatesgate.

First of all, the President can't have an opinion on how a situation was handled? Especially because this person is a friend of his? Do I need to remind all of you about the Terri Schiavo case as an example of President with an opinion? Oh, right. Terri Schiavo was white.

And, most importantly, did we forget that Professor Gates proved that he was in his own home, and that if he were being belligerent he was in perfect right to do so, and that is by no means any grounds for an arrest? We live in a country where Neonazis are rampant, and they do all their shit behind closed doors so that they are never arrested. Professor Gates could have been insulting everyone and their mother and he was in perfect right to do so in his own home. Can you imagine the implication of this? Let's say you had a rough day and you go home and blow off some steam and say something to the effect of "I'm going to kill all these bastards," knowing you don't mean it once you've calmed down. You wouldn't get arrested for that, and that's not even near what Professor Gates actually said, according to the arresting officer.

What other conclusion can one make other than the officer acted stupidly? Nothing, really.

I'm going to completely rip off MonkeyGirl's comment when she posted the original article:

For those of you who think POC play the 'race card' too often... fuck you.

That Irrelevant Bimbo

It pains me to no end that Sarah Palin is still in the media spotlight. I feel some compunction about writing this at all, because I'm just giving her attention which I don't believe she deserves. I had meant to write a post a few weeks ago when she forced David Letterman to apologize, but I held my tongue and now I can't anymore.

I would like to preface this whole rant by saying that if there is some sort of difficulty regarding her family then of course her resignation is the right call. I do not wish her or her family any harm, no matter what my rant below might imply.

I would also like to say that I do not want to get into politics. I realize that my opinions are mine and people have different opinions, and if you support Sarah Palin's politics then that is your right.

What I do want to talk about, and what I want to chastise Sarah Palin for, is for the example and precedent she sets for other women.

She is a quitter. That is it, plain and simple. I am deeply offended that she even uses the term "lame duck" in her speech. So, she is quitting because her heart simply wasn't in it and because of that, she would do a shitty job for the remainder of the term? She had too many distractions and couldn't tough it out? Lady, you were ELECTED TO PUBLIC OFFICE. You don't just up and quit because you don't want to do it anymore. You don't have the luxury of changing jobs, changing direction, mid-term, that is the price of being in the public eye. What rational human being would ever think about electing you to any future public office when you can leave when you feel like it? How much harder is it going to be for a woman to be elected to public office, or appointed to any leadership role?

I am filled with all sorts of vitriol over the implications of this. It's hard enough to be a successful woman in this world, but when a very public figure who projects the epitome of righteousness just ups and leaves for a "higher calling," it says to me that she (and women in the world by proxy) can't cut it. They can't handle the responsibilities and pressure. THANKS A FUCKING LOT.



There have been many conjectures about why Sarah Palin might have resigned, but the one that offends me most is that the media scrutiny was just too much for her and her family to handle. This point I would like to address, because I'd like to compare her to my lady Hillary Clinton.

Sarah Palin has been under intense media scrutiny since last August, and flaunted her family as examples of pro-life bizarro conservative family values. Hey, she knew she was having a baby with Downs Syndrome and didn't abort it!! And look, her teenage daughter and her lunatic (ex-)boyfriend were irresponsible about sex and got pregnant and they did not have an abortion! Praise Jeebus!

I'm sorry, but after parading your family around the public all last fall, they are FAIR. GAME. You wanted to give them privacy? You should have done that from the beginning. Frankly, the way she flaunted her family at the Republican National Convention was sickening and in poor taste.

Now, let's talk about Hillary shall we? Now THAT lady knows media scrutiny. Remember all the jokes poked about her appearance? All that hoopla about her suits and her haircuts? Remember the mess about health care? Remember how her husband got a blow job from an intern and was impeached for it? And remember all the jokes poked at poor Chelsea Clinton, whose only fault was that she was the unfortunate recipient of an ugly adolescence? And by the way, remember that Hillary has been enduring this since 1992?

So if the reason for Sarah Palin's resignation is media scrutiny, then all I have to say to her is SUCK IT.

Now I have been guilty of chastising beauty pageant contestants, but I can't fault them for being boneheads. Their lives revolve around being pretty and parading around swimsuits. But Sarah Palin is a public figure. She sponsors bills. She runs an entire state. She's contemplating another round for office in 2012. Does that not fucking scare you?


Dear Sarah Palin,

Stop setting our gender back. You are not helping matters.

Love,
Another One Bites the Dust

Life After Wedding: Officially Graduated

With the honeymoon over and the dust finally settled I have officially graduated from wedding planning. I don't think I'm done with Hits and Misses, I may still sprinkle some in from time to time as recollections come back to me, but while they are fresh in my mind I'd like to share my lessons learned. Feel free to disregard because if you're anything like me, you dislike unsolicited advice.


Lesson 1: Your wedding is not about you. (Well, maybe it's 20% about you.)

No really, it's not. Everyone says it is and they make a big deal out of it, but when what you want is something that deviates from the norm, people WILL GIVE YOU A HARD TIME ABOUT IT. They may actually voice their opinion, or they may, like most courteous people, simply shut their mouths and keep their judgements to themselves. But rest assured, those judgements are there. Everyone thinks they have a say about what you want and what is best for you. I suspect this only gets worse once the babies come, but it starts at wedding planning.

I am headstrong and stubborn and definitely prefer the make-my-own-mistakes school of learning, so this was one of my peeves from the beginning and why I didn't really want a wedding. But as the decisions were made and the date got closer I came to the realization that weddings are mostly a time of togetherness. For family and friends who might not see each other that often, to get together and celebrate the union of two families. It is also a time for other couples to remember their own vows and the happy times in their lives.

Yes, you are the center of attention, the gifts are all for you, the photos are all of you... but really it's about more than just you. And because of that, compromises must be made.


Lesson 2: Contrary to what the wedding industry and the blog universe tells you, your wedding does NOT have to be personal.

Your wedding is not any less legitimate whether you DIY everything and spend $1000 any more than it is when you splurge on everything and spend $50,000. None of that makes a difference. The only measurement of a successful wedding is that the couple is actually married at the end of the day. Keeping it personal is a nice touch, but not necessary, so don't stress yourself out over that.

Of course, keep in mind that I spent very much time making my wedding personal. And you know what, it drove me crazy! If I could do it over again, I would have ordered the programs instead of making them myself, and maybe asked one of my bridesmaids to make the wedding slideshow.


Lesson 3: Find a happy place.

Like I said above, if what you want is not what other people think you should want, they will tell you. Everyone complains about something. The colors, the transportation (or in our case, the lack of), the weather, the room temperature, etc. Find a happy place. Go there often. Mine is Paradise Island in the Philippines. I mentally visited that beach two, three times a week. After you've visited your happy place, you will be in a much better condition to either acquiesce to the requests of your family and friends or put your foot down and fight for what you want no matter what it takes.

Lesson 4: Do not ever use the word "perfect."

Seriously, ban it from your vocabulary, and if anybody tries to use it to pressure you into doing something, ignore it with all your might. Newsflash: Your wedding is not going to be perfect. It may be the most fun time you've had, the best day of your life, but it won't be perfect. Something's going to go wrong. The photographer forgets a shot, the DJ plays a song you don't like, your mother takes away the cupcakes before you've had a chance to have one...

I had fun at my wedding. I barely spent any time with my husband, I was busy dancing, but I had fun. All of my loved ones were there. I married the best man I've ever met. But you can totally bet that I farted during the ceremony. Far from perfect.


Lesson 5: Don't forget your future spouse.

Fight these battles together. Complain to each other. Deal with your families together. The word of the lesson is: together. It's so much easier when there's two.

On Addressing Your Invitations or Save the Dates (or Anything for that Matter)

One of my friends is getting married and since she knows I was very budget conscious, she sometimes she asks me how I did certain things. This week we spoke about addressing her envelopes. I told her that I used labels, and she said that she wasn't going to do that because she thought it was impersonal.

First of all, I completely acknowledge that she has the right to her opinion and that her comment was not some passive-aggressive comment directed at me. It's her wedding and I support her.

However, I wish to address the general idea that the use of labels is "impersonal." I am not attacking my friend, or anyone else for that matter, but I've seen this comment a lot in the blogosphere and the wedding forums and I wish to give my opinion on the matter.

There is nothing more personal than being invited to someone's wedding. You could throw an intimate 10 person wedding or a 500 person wedding where the bride and groom only knew like 100 people there, it would still be personal. In either scenario, guests are still witness to the legal joining of two people in matrimony. They saw the ceremony, ate the food, mingled with the couple's friends and family... they will be in the wedding photography FOREVER.

So I reject this idea that the manner in which your invitations or save the dates actually matter. They may matter to you, and you may prefer the aesthetics of calligraphy and choose to pay for it. Or you may choose to hand address them yourselves. That's great, that's your choice, and your choice is more likely than not about the appearance of your envelopes than it is about personalization. But it's completely insulting to say that using labels is impersonal. It's not an appropriate excuse for a thinly veiled criticism. Just because somebody decided to print out a name and address instead of paying for a calligrapher or crippling his or her hand from writing it out does not mean that it wasn't meant especially for the recipient. The fact that guests are holding an invitation at all is what makes it personal.

And perhaps, in my case, using labels meant more people could be invited, or that I didn't drive myself crazy hand addressing 80 invitations.

On Using "I'm Married" As Protection From Creepy People

Today there was a very annoying man on the subway that hit on me. On the one hand, I'm flattered (very slightly) that despite six years with Dude I've still got it, but really, it was annoying and I was just trying to read my book. This guy was relentless, trying to strike up conversation even though I clearly was giving him Evil Face and turned up my iPod so that I could barely hear him. It went on for a few minutes, "What's your name, beautiful?" "Where are you going?" "Why aren't you talking to me?" Then finally the question that put an end to it, "What's wrong with you, are you married or something?"

I'm not one to engage harassers because I really don't think they're worth the time of day, but at this point I said, "As a matter of fact, I am married, but even if I weren't, I still wouldn't want to talk to you." He shut up for a few minutes, and then I got out at the next stop and went into the adjacent car.

This whole anecdote was not really meant to boast about my desirability, but rather to convey my complete rage that a woman who is not interested in a strange man MUST be married, or else why isn't she talking to him? While I'm slightly comforted by the fact that if I'm in a sticky situation with a strange man, all I have to do is hold up my left hand, I'm very disturbed that for some men, that's what it takes for them to back the fuck off.

I'm also troubled by the fact that somtimes, the "I'm married" response is often the first response. What does that mean, that if you weren't married you wouldn't brush him off? It's the simple response, but it doesn't do much for fellow women, single or married (or attached but not married). The best response, in my opinion, is "I'm not interested" - but as I whined about above, some men just don't understand that.

Being female stinks sometimes. All I want is to commute in peace, and I can't even have that?

F*ck You, Miss California

I don't watch the Miss USA pageant, nor do I read or particularly like Perez Hilton, but apparently Miss California was asked by Perez if other states should follow Vermont in legalizing same sex marriages. Here was her response:

Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose between same sex marriage or opposite marriage, and you know what? In my country, in my family, I think I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman.

Miss Prejean is now saying that her answer cost her the crown. She defended herself to Matt Lauer, saying that she lost "because I had spoken from my heart, from my beliefs, and for my God." Come on, America! She was just being honest! She goes on...

It's not about being politically correct, it's about being biblically correct.

I don't have the video at my disposal so I can link to it, but she says "biblically" like you think she would - condescendingly and holier than thou.

Okay lady. I understand that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, that's our right as Americans, as human beings, and it's unfortunate if your opinion involves bigotry, but you still have the right to it.

You didn't win the crown because you didn't answer the question. You gave an answer involving your opinion and your values and YOUR (and the Bible's) definition of marriage. That wasn't the question. The question was whether or not you thought other states should follow Vermont's lead. Now, if you had said something along the lines of "We live in a democracy and the will of the people will prevail," now THAT would have answered the question AND honest at the same time. The uproar over your answer is not because of your beliefs. (Okay, maybe it is.) It is because in your less than 30 second display of brilliance you implied the following:

• That being gay and wanting same-sex marriage is a choice (I understand that she may have meant the choice was same-sex or heterosexual marriage, but uh, it's not, it's only a choice in a handful of states, so she's wrong anyway.)
• That the alienated demographic you just insulted (and their supporters) would excuse your answer and not cry out in anger because you said "no offense to anybody" - it doesn't work that way sister
• That the laws of the country should fundamentally reflect how you were raised and what you and your parents and your family believe
• That Vermont's law (and Iowa's and Connecticut's and Massachusett's) and its residents who voted for it are wrong

And by the way, what the fuck is "opposite marriage"?

If you really want to go all biblical on everybody, since everyone who is opposed to same-sex marriage loves to quote Leviticus, let me recount some other Leviticus "abominations":

• Eating shrimp and lobster (11:10)
• Shaving (19:27)
• Bunnies (11:6)
• Working on Saturday (19:30)
• Eating pork (11:7)

As a good friend of mine has said, "Quote one, quote them all, that's just common sense."

Miss California, I appreciate that you were honest in your answer. I am so tired of beauty queens talking fluff. But just because you're honest doesn't mean you are right or excused. You were raised in a household where marriage is defined as heterosexual - I get that. But there are very many people in the world who were raised in a household where they are taught that all colored people are criminals, that colored people and white people shouldn't marry, the list of bigotry goes on. And as a contender for Miss America, you were in the running to be a representative of our country. I, for one, am infinitely glad that you didn't win. Of course if I read your interview with Matt Lauer correctly, now you think that not winning means God has another purpose for you, and apparently that's to go public with your bigoted beliefs under the ruse of "speaking from the heart."

Thanks for setting the country back a few decades.

By the way, your grammar is atrocious.

Ugh.

What's worse than wedding budgeting?

Life budgeting. Especially when combining two separate sets of finances for the first time.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, the Decision, With a Little Complaining Thrown In

After the peacock feather fan non-decision I realized I was on a roll. I realized it wasn't the fan that my mother disliked, it was the the fact that it had feathers.

So I asked my cousin in the Philippines to pick up some beige fans for the bridesmaids, and I bought a pink one from Lands Faraway.

Here they are:



Truth be told, if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have had the fans. Everyone would have just walked down the aisle carrying nothing. We hardly even used them! I left my fan on the altar and after the ceremony my mom took everything that was on the altar. My bridesmaid asked me if I wanted her to go get my mom so we could have the fans, and my response was "Why?" I didn't particularly want to have photos with them, and trying to get my mom would have been more trouble than it was worth.

What a silly tradition.

Apparently here is the origin:

The bridal bouquet had its earliest beginnings as a bunch of fragrant herbs who "job" it was to discourage evil spirits from getting close to the bride. It started not as a bouquet, but, with Greeks and Romans, as a garland of fresh herbs which the bride wore in her hair. In Victorian times, the flowers in a bride's bouquet carried messages, because each flower had its own special meaning.

Now, if you like flowers at your wedding and think they are pretty then I am not judging your decision, but after all the hassle, I should have really just said, why do I have to carry anything down the aisle?

A Gripe About Budget Wedding Tips

I read this how to cut wedding costs guide today, a little late for me obviously, but I wanted to get a feel for where our wedding budget went. For the most part this article is pretty spot on with what we did, except I have beef with this part:

No matter how tight your budget, do not have a cash bar. A wine-only bar's thriftiness is just as obvious.

Do not have a cash bar? Agreed, absolutely. That second sentence about the thriftiness of a wine-only bar? Complete and total crap. The people who will notice the "thriftiness" of a wine-only bar are assholes. Yeah, I said it. They are guests at a wedding, to celebrate a couple's love, and that couple (and/or other members of their family) paid money to have them be there, and wine will get them just as drunk and happy as a full open bar. To those people: bring a flask and hold your tongue.

Today is Griping Day

I've been a little down in the dumps lately.

• Maybe it's because it's so cold outside.
• Maybe it's because my life is pretty much on hold until after the wedding, which I resent. Forget about the fact that I have a great job or great friends or I still try to go to dance. Everything anyone wants to talk about is wedding wedding wedding. I know that this is supposed to be an exciting time and filled with all kinds of glorious events, but really, I'd love to go back to my life.
• I really dislike unsolicited advice or comments like "You'll see", which everyone seems to want to give in spades once they learn I'm getting married. COMPLETE AND TOTAL STRANGERS are giving me looks like, just wait until the week before the wedding, you'll see, you'll go crazy. Now, I know that I am young and as such probably don't know much about the world, and I try to be respectful of others that have come before me, but I am and always have been the kind of person who needs to figure things out on her own. Also - it's not like these people know me personally or anything. It annoys me that people who have only known me for minutes automatically assume that I'm trying to be a princess for a day, just because I'm a woman and I'm getting married. I try to let unsolicited advice not get to me but I hear it gets much worse once we start trying for kids. Terrific.

I can feel myself starting to turn into a crabby old person and so I'm going to put a stop to it. I am going to take up President-elect Obama's call to community service, mostly because volunteering makes me feel a lot more grateful and appreciative of my life, and also because the only things my current president ever asked of me were to buy duct tape and shop OR ELSE THE TERRORISTS WIN.

Updates may be sporadic, or frequent and have nothing to do with wedding planning.

On Green Weddings

Recently somebody in my life berated me on not having a green wedding. Some points of criticism were:

• My caterer more than likely doesn't use organic produce
• I didn't use recycled paper in my save the dates
• I'm not using recycled paper in my invitations or programs
• I don't know if my dress is made from organic materials (it probably isn't)
• I don't really remember anything else because this is all a bunch of hot air to me

Now, don't get me wrong, I think that trying to be green is a very worthy and noble thing to aspire to. I don't do anything actively green in my life, but I do know that my way of living is the best I could make it for the environment, considering Dude and I live in a small apartment (doesn't take much to heat or cool or light), we take public transportation every day (don't own a car), recycle when possible, and buy from local vendors.

You know what makes our wedding green? The fact that 80% of our guest list don't have to fly and are taking public transportation to get there. That the hotel, chapel, and reception venue are all within walking distance of each other and we are planning to walk everywhere. That we're not doing much for decoration other than a bunch of candles on the tables (less shit to throw out).

But what really bugs me, is that this person doesn't even live a green lifestyle. It's all great and good to try to be green at your wedding, every little bit helps, but when you commute to work with two SUVs and own a huge house that needs a lot of energy to heat, your carbon footprint far exceeds mine, even if I don't use the stupid recycled paper. Also because everyone at her wedding had to fly to get there. Real green, sister.

It's Time to Delegate

Having found myself incredibly overwhelmed at work, I finally decided to relinquish control and hand over the honeymoon planning to Dude. The latest iteration is some combination of Italy, Greece, and Croatia, maybe Turkey also. We will definitely be driving part of the way, definitely need to hit Trieste to visit some family, and possibly a cruise to hit the rest. But this past Sunday I spent all day poring over ticket prices and cruise reviews and my trusty Rick Steves Italy book. I drove myself crazy.

No more! No more!

And the bouquets or bouquet alternatives! I don't care anymore! I'd sooner carry pot roast down the aisle! Other stuff I no longer care about - invitations, out of town bags, favors, shoes, videographer, centerpieces!!! They are done and the decisions have been made and I'm not entertaining any more ideas!!!!!

And John McCain can kiss my liberal-feminist-ass!

(Driving myself crazy, can you tell?)

Brides are Crazy, AKA Why I Should Really Really Stop Reading Wedding Blogs

Yesterday the brides of the internet were in a tizzy because someone on Weddingbee decided to post a potentially weekly feature called "Queer Wedding Wednesdays."

Link here.

Now, in case you don't know me and it hasn't been made clear, I fully support gay marriage. I would actually go so far as to say that's my number one political issue. I've been on the record, in my younger years, proclaiming I wouldn't want to get married until everyone were legally able to, but unlucky for my idealism I met Dude.

The Weddingbee post didn't really make me think twice, except that by the time I saw it, there were already 50+ comments on it, and an hour later there were 70, so I had to read. And boy was I in for a treat. Hilario.

Aside from the obvious intial don't-you-dare-suggest-censorship reaction I had, I couldn't believe how these ladies were all, stop writing about being gay, where are all the DIY posts, put your politics elsewhere. I could almost hear their thoughts as they wonder "But, but... princesses can't marry other princesses... can they?!" or "Every wedding should have at least one person wearing a dress, why are they both wearing suits?" Dear Lord how those panties must have been all twisted at reading the post.

And that's part of the reason why I hate weddings so much. I grew up with homosexual aunts and uncles, it's completely accepted in my family and I grew up thinking that's the norm everywhere. I feel like the wedding world is full of Princess Grace wannabes, and if you don't fit that image, then you are outcast and shunned. And I've never wanted to be a princess, even when I was a little girl and my mom dressed me in all lace clothes. I ruined them and trampled them and covered them in dirt. Perhaps I was always supposed to be the jester.

And now I leave you, dear internets, with one of my favorite quotes, from none other than Mr. Chris Rock:

People always say that we can't have gay marriage because marriage is a sacred institution, that happens in the church. It's sacred... no it's not! Marriage ain't sacred! Not in America! Not in the country that watches "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" or "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" or "Who Wants to Marry a Midget?" Get the fuck outta here! Gay people have as much of a right to be miserable as everybody else!