Not On Our Registry, Part 3

I really, really like the show Mad Men. I confess I liked it before it got all the Emmy buzz - there was a huge ad push in New York in the weeks leading up to the series premiere and you couldn't look at the side of a bus without seeing that silhouette falling off the building. I decided to watch it just in case it was any good, and I'm so happy that it is.

Anyway, there is an episode in the first season where Pete gets a chip and dip for a wedding present. He has to go and return it, I don't recall why, they either got two of them or the wife didn't want it, but anyway, he shows it off to his coworkers and they all make fun of him and call him a pansy, because apparently men don't like threats to their perceived masculinity. Phbbt.

Mad Men story aside, a chip and dip is yet another one of those useless things that incur my annoyance. I understand why they are around, I suppose they serve a purpose, which is more than I can say for a lot of these things. I'll admit despite my equality-for-all stance that I like my chips and dip SEGREGATED. THEY DON'T BELONG TOGETHER until it's time to put them in your mouth, together, in one harmonious motion. Because if you mix them up then you get mushy chips and who wants that?

The real reason I don't like the chip and dip is that I like things that have multiple functions. I don't like the idea that I own one thing and it serves only one purpose in my life. I like clothes and shoes that I can use for work/play/out, I like all/multipurpose cleaners, and kitchen appliances that will be used in different situations and over and over again. And yes, I suppose I could use the compartments for foodstuffs other than chips and dips, but then, why is it called a chip and dip? Poor chip and dip, I didn't mean to pick on you, you were just the first one alphabetically.

Chip and Dip! For when you care enough not to use two different bowls!

Thanksgiving

If there's anything my family instilled in me, it is the love of all things Holidays. I am cynical and sarcastic, I question and argue everything anybody says, but come Thanksgiving to Christmas I keep a tiny Christmas tree in my tiny apartment, hang stockings and ribbons on the wall, and would play all Christmas music if Dude would let me (he won't).

I am thankful for everything in my life, even those things about which I constantly complain, even those things that cause me anxiety attacks and headaches and make me not want to get out of bed in the morning. It was not too long ago that I lived in the Philippines and we had so little, and I know that it was only a stroke of luck, of chance, that I am in the position I am in today. And when I think about the problems I have now, all I have to do is think back to those days when I was so young, and suddenly my life is not so bad... in fact it's damn near fantastic, and I feel very small for even questioning that.

Have a happy and safe and satisfying Thanksgiving!

Not On Our Registry, Part 2

Napkin rings.

They're so useless! Every time I see one I roll my eyes because once I sit down I take the napkin out of the ring... and then what?! Seriously, why are napkin rings even in existence? "Because they're pretty" is not sufficient. Has society really reached a point where accessories for our napkins are must-have registry items?

Not On Our Registry!

Not On Our Registry, Part 1

In case you couldn't tell by now I love keeping lists and recurring themes on this blog. And to keep with this trend, here is a new one called Not On Our Registry, detailing and sometimes ranting about Useless and Silly Things that are on every registry checklist. But Not On Our Registry!

Part 1, I admit, is not entirely Useless and Silly but in a way it is for me and Dude. The first Not on Our Registry item is - luggage.

That is not to imply that we don't like to travel, because we do. However, in my former job I was practically a professional traveler, and when you spend 4-6 hours of your week in the airport and going through security (for three years!), trust me when I say that I've got the traveling thing down. You don't want to spend a minute more in the airport than you absolutely have to, and you roll your eyes and silently curse at people who don't know to take their shoes and belts off.

We did not register for luggage because under no circumstances will I ever check baggage. In my opinion, if you can't fit two weeks' worth of clothing and toiletries in a rolling carry on and a backpack, you're not trying hard enough. We are going away for two weeks for the holidays, traveling all over for MonkeyGirl's wedding and general holiday visits, and we are only bringing carry ons. Dude and I have already agreed that it will be the same case for our honeymoon.

I do realize that it's something most people want and use, but for us, totally unnecessary.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 5

I had seen peacock feather fans before and thought about them for a while, and then Stampin Rachel sent me this link to a post on A Practical Wedding. Cute, huh?

So I went ahead and bought one just to see how it looks:



For a while this was it, I was totally done.

And then I sent a photo to my mother. Let's just say that I wasn't done after all.

So, I have a peacock feather fan that I won't be using. If you want it, let me know, I'll give it to you.

And... We Have a Ceremony Musician!

I'd been a little lazy on the topic of ceremony music. At first I wanted to just use a CD player, but after some email exchanges with the chapel, I realized there was no CD player at the chapel, nor was there a great sound system. Dude suggested we get an iPod and a dock with speakers, but I'm pretty sure my family would balk at that.

So I went on a quest to find a ceremony musician. Dude and I agreed the best would be one acoustic guitarist. I thought I had a terrific one from a friend of a friend, but that fell through. I tried to get a Juilliard student, but that turned out to be more expensive than we had budgeted for. I've been scrambling for a few weeks.

But today, I found a guy within our budget! His song list is extensive, he's local, and he even offered to perform for the cocktail hour included in the price quote he gave me. I booked him right away.

Hooray! Another thing checked off the to-do list.

No Regrets About the Venue

I dropped off a payment at our reception venue this week, and it's still just as great as I remember it.

Other Unnecessary Items Nixed from the Knot's Checklist

Newspaper announcement
"Special wedding lingerie"
Garter
Receiving line
Place cards
Bride/Groom Gift (This really happens? You're pledging your lives to each other, isn't that gift enough?)
Cake Topper

A Conversation With My Mom

(translated from Tagalog, of course)

Mom: So, there are three gifts here for you.
Me: Oh great, I thought it was only one. We'll get them at Thanksgiving.
Mom: So... I guess this whole wedding thing is for real, huh?

On another note, 15 out of 75 invitations are made, still have not ordered the enclosures, because shades of beige/cream are the hardest shades to match (seriously, try it sometime). Our shades do not match perfectly but I cannot look at these image files anymore. They are driving me crazy. They are good enough.

More Crazy Questions

Do we REALLY need a guest book? I'm thinking no.

Within the Five Month Mark Comes First Gifts and Major Headaches

We're within the five month mark, I'm not going to say by how much, but a couple of days ago I entered Full Panic Mode. There are very many things that are still not even close to being done, including ceremony musician(s), invitations, finishing my veil, finding groomsmen gifts, rehearsal dinner venue, order of the ceremony, the list goes on.

This week I took my dress in for first fitting, it's a little early, but it's quite a big job. As expected, the alterations cost almost as much as the actual dress, but since the dress was so reasonable I didn't feel too bad about it. It was so big that I didn't realize it looked so nice pinned up and close to my measurements. And as a bonus, the alterations lady told me that I shouldn't lose much more weight, that anything less would make me too skinny and that my shape was perfect. Yay for ego boosts!

Also this week I found out that someone has purchased items off our registry! We had already received a piece of artwork from Dude's step grandmother, so the gifts have started.

It will be a crazy couple of months, with the holidays and all, and I'm just trying to keep up with my life.

I Was Tagged

I was tagged by Sensible Bride (hi Sensible Bride!), so here goes.

The rules:

1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by including links to their blog.

4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog!


Here you go....

1. I can play the following instruments, in the order in which each was learned: piano, flute, oboe, bassoon.

2. I crack my elbows. It grosses everyone out.

3. As much as I say I'll go to the library to save money and reduce clutter in my home, I love love love buying books and keeping them. Because I'm selfish.

4. I have 38 first cousins. No joke.

5. I do not believe that milk is actually good for you, but...

6. I love cheese so I will never ever give up dairy, even if people tell me that in addition to making you fat, it gives you cancer and makes you ugly.

7. I'm going to wear red converse sneakers underneath my wedding dress.


I'm going to cheat a little and NOT tag 7 people, mostly because I don't really know 7 bloggers, and I'm pretty sure that those I do know have already done this meme. So, if you are reading this and have not yet done this meme, consider yourself tagged!

What a Bad Time to be Planning a Wedding

I feel like every week someone else I know is getting laid off.

My mom just returned from a brief visit to the Philippines, and she told me that my cousin (who is a wedding planner) told her that a really nice wedding in the Philippines for 300 people would cost somewhere in the vicinity of $7K.

I nearly vomited.

This coming from the cousin who used to draw wedding dresses when we were children, so I trust him when he says "really nice."

Sometimes I wonder if I should have just done that and had my cousin plan everything in the Philippines. But then I realize that we made our decision to have it in Manhattan because we wanted attendance to be as easy as possible for as many guests as possible. We literally took a look at our guest list, figured out where everyone lived, and picked the location where most of them were. Did that make things extremely difficult? Yes. Do we have a lot more costs to consider because of the location? Certainly. But the most important part to us, other than getting married of course, was that everyone was there. Not the food, not the photography, not the dress, but the people.

And if we did have it in the Philippines, it would most certainly be a Catholic wedding, which would not be okay with us, and would be all of my side and virtually none of Dude's side. Also, out of the 300 people who would be there, I would probably only know 80, and I don't want to meet people for the first time at our wedding.

So, I'm not really feeling too sad for this. We absolutely made the right decision. But still... saving that extra money would be really helpful right now.

Crazy Questions

A bunch of my friends have all had the same complaint about their boyfriend/fiance/husband, and I feel like it's a widespread complaint among my lady friends and I don't really understand why.

Seriously, everybody. What is the big deal about your man leaving the toilet seat up? I am not being snarky. I really want to know. Is it that big a deal to look where you sit your naked butt to make sure you don't fall in? Isn't it just general good practice to look before you sit? Isn't you leaving the toilet seat down just as bad as him leaving it up?

Growing up, I always heard this complaint in TV shows and jokes, but it wasn't until very recently that I realized that it's real, that it really drives people crazy. My mom and dad definitely never argued about it, and I know my dad leaves the toilet seat up. My friend told me she once had a screaming fight over it. Really?

It's just a toilet seat! It's not like he left a huge pile of turds unflushed!

Granted, I've only been living with Dude for a little over a year so maybe it just hasn't annoyed me yet? Tell me, please. Inquiring minds want to know.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 4

My friend Stampin Rachel has long been aware of my bouquet dilemma and so was kind enough to send me some articles on alternatives. Some were pretty good ideas but there was one that was definitely NOT our bouquet...

A bible or prayerbook.

Not that there's anything wrong with it. But Dude and I had long decided that we were having a civil ceremony, and only a civil ceremony. If we were going to do anything religious, my first vote would be having a gospel choir. I love gospel choirs.

Speaking of gospel, this week at dance my teacher was feeling particularly inspired from the election and so he decided to do a gospel combination. I told him that I wasn't sure my body could do gospel, to which he replied, "Honey, you're colored, of course you can do gospel. Think of all the injustice you've experienced and think about a day, someday, that it was all taken away." And I don't know what song he chose but it was filled with a lot of Glory Hallelujahs and sure enough, after a few minutes I was no longer insecure and I flailed like the Holy Spirit had taken over me.

It was just what I needed.

Is it just me, or has the city been so much nicer and more inspired since Tuesday? Even if nothing ever happens again, I will always remember this feeling. It is jubilant.

There. I finally have a wedding theme. Jubilant.

Tears

At around 11pm last night, CNN flashed something to the effect of "Breaking News: Barack Obama is President-Elect of the United States." I nearly cried, but didn't because I was surrounded by people. I mean, I don't think I'll cry at my wedding (I'm happy to be wrong on that though), but if I cried over the election? I'd never live that down.

What irks me, though, is that when Obama's name was mentioned in the McCain concession speech, there were boos. When McCain's name was mentioned in the Obama acceptance speech, there were cheers. Had the victory gone to the Republicans, I'm pretty sure that would still have been the case.

Even if he does nothing else in office, nothing is ever going to take away from the fact that we elected a black president named Barack Hussein Obama.

Twenty years from now, my children will ask me what the big deal was that we elected a black president in 2008. And that's beautiful.

I may name one of my children Hussein.

Hopes for the Future, and Future Little Goofballs

There is a flurry of emotions that are taking over me as the election draws near. At times like this, one can't help but think of The Future.

I am fully confident that the love and respect that Dude and I have for each other will get us through anything in our life together, but there is one aspect towards which I feel apprehension, and that is the fact that our children will be biracial.

I realize that we are not the first couple to ever be in this position, and that my apprehension is not unique to us. I tell myself that each generation gets better in terms of how it deals with race. I tell myself that my experiences have been far more positive than my parents' and that my children's experiences will be better than mine.

What really scares me is that "biracial" is something that neither I nor Dude can relate to. Dude is your typical privileged white male and I am a typical female of color, so our experiences span the entire range. Adding to that, we are from two different cultures. I'm a naturalized American and there's very much of my Filipino heritage in my life.

But all we know is one or the other. Neither of us knows what it is like to walk down the street and not look like either of your parents. Will they favor one culture over another? Will they poke fun at my parents for having a Filipino accent and for having trouble with common English phrases (believe me, English is really hard to learn as a second language)? Which checkboxes will they choose when filling out the demographic forms? Will they resent being in the middle?

One of the hardest parts of being a person of color is the simultaneous feeling of being oppressed and repressed. Oppressed because of the color of our skin; repressed because in 2008 America, racism is no longer supposed to exist. What's really fucked up is that speaking out about and against your oppression makes YOU the racist, where's the sense in that? I've been in cities that are 95% white and yet claim to have diversity, as if to say, look at all these lovely colored folk in our town, I'm not friends with them but they sure are interesting. It is a neverending struggle to educate ignorance, and at times I just want to give up and just be angry and racist right back.

But then I know that doing that will not benefit me, and most certainly will not benefit my children. And the only really logical thing to do is to keep trying.