DIY Silk Boutonnieres

While visiting my parents' house this Christmas, I got to spend some quality time with my preferred craft store, A.C. Moore. I wanted to finish table runners for guest tables since my mom has a sewing machine, but stupid me, I forgot the color swatch. So I decided to focus on the boutonnieres.

I hadn't yet figured out what to do with boutonnieres, seeing as I also hadn't figured out what to do with the bouquets, so I wandered around the store.

Lo and behold, I found a bunch of white silk roses that don't look too fake.

A couple of hours and some sore fingers later, here's what I came up with.

Groomsmen Boutonnieres:


Dude's Boutonniere, a slight variation from the other men:




A view into my workarea:




Materials Used:
- white silk flowers
- floral tape
- burgundy filler flowers
- wine colored ribbon
- wire cutter or very strong scissors

I didn't really follow a pattern or directions but I did my research here on eHow. I have some leftover material so I'll be making wrist corsages out of these, and maybe even a tiny bouquet for my flower girl.

The Millionth Reason I Love Dude

We are sitting in Dude's parents' living room, and he is using my computer. I eventually get the computer back, and he made some changes to my Google Docs.

Where I used to have my ultra favorite super duper folder in the world for my SPECIAL DAAAAAY, named "stupid wedding crap," there now was a nice little folder named "awesome wedding stuff."

MonkeyGirl is Married!

We've been away at New Orleans for MonkeyGirl's wedding. It was amazing, and a preview of what to expect when my family descends upon New York City.

Invitations

The invitations are done! And just in time.

I thought it was going to take much longer to finish, but Stampin Rachel introduced me to my secret weapon:



What was I thinking trying to do this with glue sticks?!

Happy Human Rights Day!

Today is the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Let's take a minute to look at how much we have accomplished, but also realize that there is still much left to do. Human rights are only a given for a privileged minority*.

Let us celebrate, but also let us keep working.


*if you are reading this and have a roof over your head, food on your table, and the right to express yourself without fear of getting arrested, you are a member of this minority!

The Best Friends in the World

Our friends have really overwhelmed us (in a really good way) this week.

First, after hearing of our honeymoon plans, two couples who have recently vacationed in Croatia scheduled a dinner for all us to gather with takeout, travel books, and photos to help us plan our itinerary.

Then soon after, my friend Stampin Rachel invited over a few of the ladies for a craft day, where we mooched off her abundant supplies and I made the backgrounds for the day after brunch invitations.



Cute huh?

I didn't want to use up all her silver ink so half the invites have two hearts instead of the stamp shown above.

Finally, my maid of honor just emailed me today with the dates for my bridal shower and bachelorette party!

I think now, it's really becoming real. We have the best. friends. ever.

More Crazy Questions: Following the Recessional

Problem: Our wedding is during off peak season (read: cold, with the risk of rain or snow). That in and of itself is not the problem. The problem is that there is a one hour lag between when the ceremony ends and when the reception begins. Dude and I want to exit via the recessional, sign our marriage license, take some pictures, then exit the chapel with birdseed tossed at us. However, at every wedding I've been to, the recessional seems to signal to everybody that it is also time to exit the chapel/church, and I don't want people lingering around outside in possibly inclement weather. I'd like them to stay in the chapel as long as possible until it's time to go outside and head for the reception.

Question: How to communicate as such to the attendees? Some wording on the program perhaps? Something along the lines of, "Following the ceremony, please remain in the chapel until the Bride and Groom Exit"? Or have our officiant say something after we exit?

Note: We are NOT HAVING A RECEIVING LINE. Not even an option.

So Excited

Who can think about wedding when this is what awaits us in Croatia?





Images of Plitvice Lakes National Park.

A Step in the Right Direction

While I delegated the honeymoon to Dude, he was considerate enough to know that I would at least like to be involved in the process, since I'm so darn picky about my travel. We've dragged our feet long enough about this whole business, so this evening we decided to bite the bullet and just book flights. We'd figure out the itinerary later, and it would give us flexibility to either stay at a certain place longer or leave if it's too dull.

So we did it! A flight into Rome, a flight out of Dubrovnik to London 12 days later, then London to home 3 days after that. Everything in the middle is up for grabs, including how to get from Rome to Dubrovnik.

Success!

On Our Registry, Part 1

Since I've been so eager to criticize registry items, I thought it only fair that I share what we DID put on our registry. So I'm starting the positive spin on the registry items, in the order that they are received.

The registry in general was difficult for us, since we already had everything we really needed. We almost didn't register, but then I realized something. While I was growing up, my parents never had nice kitchenware and dining sets, and I was always jealous of my friends because their families had such nice things. And then I realized that the reason people had such nice things was because they registered for them, and my parents, having married in the Philippines, weren't able to do that. So we decided to upgrade what we already had.

Over Thanksgiving we went to my parents' house and found our first set of registry gifts waiting for us.

We received a set of 450 thread count sateen sheets that feel like butter, and three sets of these:


{Waterford Marquis White Wine Set}

I love stemless wine glasses. Since we have been drinking wine out of my blue plastic glasses that I bought right after college, I was so happy to receive these. So pretty!

Not On Our Registry, Part 3

I really, really like the show Mad Men. I confess I liked it before it got all the Emmy buzz - there was a huge ad push in New York in the weeks leading up to the series premiere and you couldn't look at the side of a bus without seeing that silhouette falling off the building. I decided to watch it just in case it was any good, and I'm so happy that it is.

Anyway, there is an episode in the first season where Pete gets a chip and dip for a wedding present. He has to go and return it, I don't recall why, they either got two of them or the wife didn't want it, but anyway, he shows it off to his coworkers and they all make fun of him and call him a pansy, because apparently men don't like threats to their perceived masculinity. Phbbt.

Mad Men story aside, a chip and dip is yet another one of those useless things that incur my annoyance. I understand why they are around, I suppose they serve a purpose, which is more than I can say for a lot of these things. I'll admit despite my equality-for-all stance that I like my chips and dip SEGREGATED. THEY DON'T BELONG TOGETHER until it's time to put them in your mouth, together, in one harmonious motion. Because if you mix them up then you get mushy chips and who wants that?

The real reason I don't like the chip and dip is that I like things that have multiple functions. I don't like the idea that I own one thing and it serves only one purpose in my life. I like clothes and shoes that I can use for work/play/out, I like all/multipurpose cleaners, and kitchen appliances that will be used in different situations and over and over again. And yes, I suppose I could use the compartments for foodstuffs other than chips and dips, but then, why is it called a chip and dip? Poor chip and dip, I didn't mean to pick on you, you were just the first one alphabetically.

Chip and Dip! For when you care enough not to use two different bowls!

Thanksgiving

If there's anything my family instilled in me, it is the love of all things Holidays. I am cynical and sarcastic, I question and argue everything anybody says, but come Thanksgiving to Christmas I keep a tiny Christmas tree in my tiny apartment, hang stockings and ribbons on the wall, and would play all Christmas music if Dude would let me (he won't).

I am thankful for everything in my life, even those things about which I constantly complain, even those things that cause me anxiety attacks and headaches and make me not want to get out of bed in the morning. It was not too long ago that I lived in the Philippines and we had so little, and I know that it was only a stroke of luck, of chance, that I am in the position I am in today. And when I think about the problems I have now, all I have to do is think back to those days when I was so young, and suddenly my life is not so bad... in fact it's damn near fantastic, and I feel very small for even questioning that.

Have a happy and safe and satisfying Thanksgiving!

Not On Our Registry, Part 2

Napkin rings.

They're so useless! Every time I see one I roll my eyes because once I sit down I take the napkin out of the ring... and then what?! Seriously, why are napkin rings even in existence? "Because they're pretty" is not sufficient. Has society really reached a point where accessories for our napkins are must-have registry items?

Not On Our Registry!

Not On Our Registry, Part 1

In case you couldn't tell by now I love keeping lists and recurring themes on this blog. And to keep with this trend, here is a new one called Not On Our Registry, detailing and sometimes ranting about Useless and Silly Things that are on every registry checklist. But Not On Our Registry!

Part 1, I admit, is not entirely Useless and Silly but in a way it is for me and Dude. The first Not on Our Registry item is - luggage.

That is not to imply that we don't like to travel, because we do. However, in my former job I was practically a professional traveler, and when you spend 4-6 hours of your week in the airport and going through security (for three years!), trust me when I say that I've got the traveling thing down. You don't want to spend a minute more in the airport than you absolutely have to, and you roll your eyes and silently curse at people who don't know to take their shoes and belts off.

We did not register for luggage because under no circumstances will I ever check baggage. In my opinion, if you can't fit two weeks' worth of clothing and toiletries in a rolling carry on and a backpack, you're not trying hard enough. We are going away for two weeks for the holidays, traveling all over for MonkeyGirl's wedding and general holiday visits, and we are only bringing carry ons. Dude and I have already agreed that it will be the same case for our honeymoon.

I do realize that it's something most people want and use, but for us, totally unnecessary.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 5

I had seen peacock feather fans before and thought about them for a while, and then Stampin Rachel sent me this link to a post on A Practical Wedding. Cute, huh?

So I went ahead and bought one just to see how it looks:



For a while this was it, I was totally done.

And then I sent a photo to my mother. Let's just say that I wasn't done after all.

So, I have a peacock feather fan that I won't be using. If you want it, let me know, I'll give it to you.

And... We Have a Ceremony Musician!

I'd been a little lazy on the topic of ceremony music. At first I wanted to just use a CD player, but after some email exchanges with the chapel, I realized there was no CD player at the chapel, nor was there a great sound system. Dude suggested we get an iPod and a dock with speakers, but I'm pretty sure my family would balk at that.

So I went on a quest to find a ceremony musician. Dude and I agreed the best would be one acoustic guitarist. I thought I had a terrific one from a friend of a friend, but that fell through. I tried to get a Juilliard student, but that turned out to be more expensive than we had budgeted for. I've been scrambling for a few weeks.

But today, I found a guy within our budget! His song list is extensive, he's local, and he even offered to perform for the cocktail hour included in the price quote he gave me. I booked him right away.

Hooray! Another thing checked off the to-do list.

No Regrets About the Venue

I dropped off a payment at our reception venue this week, and it's still just as great as I remember it.

Other Unnecessary Items Nixed from the Knot's Checklist

Newspaper announcement
"Special wedding lingerie"
Garter
Receiving line
Place cards
Bride/Groom Gift (This really happens? You're pledging your lives to each other, isn't that gift enough?)
Cake Topper

A Conversation With My Mom

(translated from Tagalog, of course)

Mom: So, there are three gifts here for you.
Me: Oh great, I thought it was only one. We'll get them at Thanksgiving.
Mom: So... I guess this whole wedding thing is for real, huh?

On another note, 15 out of 75 invitations are made, still have not ordered the enclosures, because shades of beige/cream are the hardest shades to match (seriously, try it sometime). Our shades do not match perfectly but I cannot look at these image files anymore. They are driving me crazy. They are good enough.

More Crazy Questions

Do we REALLY need a guest book? I'm thinking no.

Within the Five Month Mark Comes First Gifts and Major Headaches

We're within the five month mark, I'm not going to say by how much, but a couple of days ago I entered Full Panic Mode. There are very many things that are still not even close to being done, including ceremony musician(s), invitations, finishing my veil, finding groomsmen gifts, rehearsal dinner venue, order of the ceremony, the list goes on.

This week I took my dress in for first fitting, it's a little early, but it's quite a big job. As expected, the alterations cost almost as much as the actual dress, but since the dress was so reasonable I didn't feel too bad about it. It was so big that I didn't realize it looked so nice pinned up and close to my measurements. And as a bonus, the alterations lady told me that I shouldn't lose much more weight, that anything less would make me too skinny and that my shape was perfect. Yay for ego boosts!

Also this week I found out that someone has purchased items off our registry! We had already received a piece of artwork from Dude's step grandmother, so the gifts have started.

It will be a crazy couple of months, with the holidays and all, and I'm just trying to keep up with my life.

I Was Tagged

I was tagged by Sensible Bride (hi Sensible Bride!), so here goes.

The rules:

1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by including links to their blog.

4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog!


Here you go....

1. I can play the following instruments, in the order in which each was learned: piano, flute, oboe, bassoon.

2. I crack my elbows. It grosses everyone out.

3. As much as I say I'll go to the library to save money and reduce clutter in my home, I love love love buying books and keeping them. Because I'm selfish.

4. I have 38 first cousins. No joke.

5. I do not believe that milk is actually good for you, but...

6. I love cheese so I will never ever give up dairy, even if people tell me that in addition to making you fat, it gives you cancer and makes you ugly.

7. I'm going to wear red converse sneakers underneath my wedding dress.


I'm going to cheat a little and NOT tag 7 people, mostly because I don't really know 7 bloggers, and I'm pretty sure that those I do know have already done this meme. So, if you are reading this and have not yet done this meme, consider yourself tagged!

What a Bad Time to be Planning a Wedding

I feel like every week someone else I know is getting laid off.

My mom just returned from a brief visit to the Philippines, and she told me that my cousin (who is a wedding planner) told her that a really nice wedding in the Philippines for 300 people would cost somewhere in the vicinity of $7K.

I nearly vomited.

This coming from the cousin who used to draw wedding dresses when we were children, so I trust him when he says "really nice."

Sometimes I wonder if I should have just done that and had my cousin plan everything in the Philippines. But then I realize that we made our decision to have it in Manhattan because we wanted attendance to be as easy as possible for as many guests as possible. We literally took a look at our guest list, figured out where everyone lived, and picked the location where most of them were. Did that make things extremely difficult? Yes. Do we have a lot more costs to consider because of the location? Certainly. But the most important part to us, other than getting married of course, was that everyone was there. Not the food, not the photography, not the dress, but the people.

And if we did have it in the Philippines, it would most certainly be a Catholic wedding, which would not be okay with us, and would be all of my side and virtually none of Dude's side. Also, out of the 300 people who would be there, I would probably only know 80, and I don't want to meet people for the first time at our wedding.

So, I'm not really feeling too sad for this. We absolutely made the right decision. But still... saving that extra money would be really helpful right now.

Crazy Questions

A bunch of my friends have all had the same complaint about their boyfriend/fiance/husband, and I feel like it's a widespread complaint among my lady friends and I don't really understand why.

Seriously, everybody. What is the big deal about your man leaving the toilet seat up? I am not being snarky. I really want to know. Is it that big a deal to look where you sit your naked butt to make sure you don't fall in? Isn't it just general good practice to look before you sit? Isn't you leaving the toilet seat down just as bad as him leaving it up?

Growing up, I always heard this complaint in TV shows and jokes, but it wasn't until very recently that I realized that it's real, that it really drives people crazy. My mom and dad definitely never argued about it, and I know my dad leaves the toilet seat up. My friend told me she once had a screaming fight over it. Really?

It's just a toilet seat! It's not like he left a huge pile of turds unflushed!

Granted, I've only been living with Dude for a little over a year so maybe it just hasn't annoyed me yet? Tell me, please. Inquiring minds want to know.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 4

My friend Stampin Rachel has long been aware of my bouquet dilemma and so was kind enough to send me some articles on alternatives. Some were pretty good ideas but there was one that was definitely NOT our bouquet...

A bible or prayerbook.

Not that there's anything wrong with it. But Dude and I had long decided that we were having a civil ceremony, and only a civil ceremony. If we were going to do anything religious, my first vote would be having a gospel choir. I love gospel choirs.

Speaking of gospel, this week at dance my teacher was feeling particularly inspired from the election and so he decided to do a gospel combination. I told him that I wasn't sure my body could do gospel, to which he replied, "Honey, you're colored, of course you can do gospel. Think of all the injustice you've experienced and think about a day, someday, that it was all taken away." And I don't know what song he chose but it was filled with a lot of Glory Hallelujahs and sure enough, after a few minutes I was no longer insecure and I flailed like the Holy Spirit had taken over me.

It was just what I needed.

Is it just me, or has the city been so much nicer and more inspired since Tuesday? Even if nothing ever happens again, I will always remember this feeling. It is jubilant.

There. I finally have a wedding theme. Jubilant.

Tears

At around 11pm last night, CNN flashed something to the effect of "Breaking News: Barack Obama is President-Elect of the United States." I nearly cried, but didn't because I was surrounded by people. I mean, I don't think I'll cry at my wedding (I'm happy to be wrong on that though), but if I cried over the election? I'd never live that down.

What irks me, though, is that when Obama's name was mentioned in the McCain concession speech, there were boos. When McCain's name was mentioned in the Obama acceptance speech, there were cheers. Had the victory gone to the Republicans, I'm pretty sure that would still have been the case.

Even if he does nothing else in office, nothing is ever going to take away from the fact that we elected a black president named Barack Hussein Obama.

Twenty years from now, my children will ask me what the big deal was that we elected a black president in 2008. And that's beautiful.

I may name one of my children Hussein.

Hopes for the Future, and Future Little Goofballs

There is a flurry of emotions that are taking over me as the election draws near. At times like this, one can't help but think of The Future.

I am fully confident that the love and respect that Dude and I have for each other will get us through anything in our life together, but there is one aspect towards which I feel apprehension, and that is the fact that our children will be biracial.

I realize that we are not the first couple to ever be in this position, and that my apprehension is not unique to us. I tell myself that each generation gets better in terms of how it deals with race. I tell myself that my experiences have been far more positive than my parents' and that my children's experiences will be better than mine.

What really scares me is that "biracial" is something that neither I nor Dude can relate to. Dude is your typical privileged white male and I am a typical female of color, so our experiences span the entire range. Adding to that, we are from two different cultures. I'm a naturalized American and there's very much of my Filipino heritage in my life.

But all we know is one or the other. Neither of us knows what it is like to walk down the street and not look like either of your parents. Will they favor one culture over another? Will they poke fun at my parents for having a Filipino accent and for having trouble with common English phrases (believe me, English is really hard to learn as a second language)? Which checkboxes will they choose when filling out the demographic forms? Will they resent being in the middle?

One of the hardest parts of being a person of color is the simultaneous feeling of being oppressed and repressed. Oppressed because of the color of our skin; repressed because in 2008 America, racism is no longer supposed to exist. What's really fucked up is that speaking out about and against your oppression makes YOU the racist, where's the sense in that? I've been in cities that are 95% white and yet claim to have diversity, as if to say, look at all these lovely colored folk in our town, I'm not friends with them but they sure are interesting. It is a neverending struggle to educate ignorance, and at times I just want to give up and just be angry and racist right back.

But then I know that doing that will not benefit me, and most certainly will not benefit my children. And the only really logical thing to do is to keep trying.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 3

Different, but could be cool...


Image via {Save on Crafts}

I have not ruled out these money tree branches, but I have some reservations. First, I need to order a sample, because as we saw with the fake rose bouquet, the photos could look way better than in person. Second, is there any chance that I'll be allergic to these?

Thirty Minutes

Last night as I was making my Halloween costume, Dude and I had the Barack Obama 30 minute special on TV. How could you not, it was everywhere. And, I am embarassed to say this, but it made me teary. That's a lot coming from me, because I don't cry often (except occasionally at cheesy movies and at the Yankees, but never about things that matter).

I cried because as I watched the special, I felt nothing but pride for Barack Obama and for what he stood for. It was like a preview of what it would be like to have a President Obama, a president who was intelligent and articulate and one that I was proud of. And I cried because if that doesn't come true next Tuesday, I fear I will lose faith in my fellow Americans.

Regardless of what happens I will never leave the United States. My parents did not sell all of their belongings and leave their family and friends and move here for a brighter future for their children so that I could leave the moment things got rough. I am proud to be an American, even when being an American is met with disdain when I travel. But perhaps if there is a President Obama, I will be even prouder, without the fear of disdain... or at least a little less of it.

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 4

This particular lesson is often a very sore subject with most brides I know, and I hesitate a little bit to even bring it up, but I do think that even if people don't agree with it, they should still at least talk about it.

Part 4 - Be Practical, Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst (and Get a Prenup)

My college roommate got married several years ago, and one of the most important orders of business before they got married was the prenuptual agreement. The idea was completely hers. When I asked her why, she said that since he was a bit older than her and obviously had assets she didn't have, that she wanted to have this agreement so that if in the unfortunate case they split, that there was an agreement, and she couldn't let her anger be a factor in the division of the assets. I asked her if she thought this unromantic, and she said, yes, it is unromantic, but in marriage, and in life, she likes to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Everytime I see this topic there's always so much sensitivity around it, and rightfully so, I suppose. Weddings are about hope for the future, and prenups are just so... business-y. As for me, I've never been one for grand gestures of romance. I actually think it's really romantic that someone would say, "I love you so much that I'm making this agreement with you, unchanging, so that if we fall on hard times that my anger and resentment won't threaten assets you rightfully should have."

Sometime in the last few months, someone told me that if I was planning to be married forever, I wouldn't have a prenup. To which I told her, BECAUSE I'm planning to be married forever, I don't CARE that I'll have a prenup.

And, it's not like our prenup is a going to be this significant piece of legal documentation. We don't have many assets, but since we have different saving patterns our assets are unequal. My engagement ring and wedding band are both Dude family heirlooms and MUST be returned no matter what. We also received a piece of artwork from Dude's step grandmother that really should stay in the Dude family as well. And, most importantly, Dude should be covered since he will leave the workforce and will eventually stay at home with the kids.

I'm a practical girl, and "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" is totally up my alley.

By the way, my friend is totally still happily married.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 2

At the beginning, I held out hope that there might be low pollen or allergy-free flowers that we could use. But while several local florists offered "allergy-free" flowers (and note I used the John McCain "health of the mother" air quotes here, you didn't think I could resist with one week before the election, did you?) one of my bridesmaids warned me before of these "allergy-free" alternatives. She ordered them for her wedding but sure enough, she and I and the other bridesmaids were sneezing through the ceremony.

I called a lot of florists in the area and specifically asked for quotes for regular and "allergy-free" flowers and first of all, the price difference was outrageous. Not that I expected regular flowers to be in any way reasonable (Two thousand dollars are you kidding me? And that was the cheap end!) the allergy free ones were twice that because many were out of season.

While the price alone made me rule this option out altogether, I couldn't very well completely dismiss it without at least trying it. So I called the florist with the lowest quote, ordered a 2 or 3 stems of "allergy-free" flowers, and had them delivered to my boss's office.

I was sneezing within 10 minutes of their arrival, and my desk was about 20 feet away. What can I say, sometimes my body amazes me.

Wedding Bouquet Alternative, Part 1

As you all know, I'm allergic to flowers, and so one of the biggest undecided items has been what in the world do I and the ladies hold while walking down the aisle?  I've been through many a suggestion and for the next few weeks I'll show what I've eliminated, and hopefully, what we'll end up using.  I should note that we haven't yet found an acceptable alternative. Here's hoping.

Eliminated Bouquet Alternative, Part 1

Image via {Save on Crafts}

Pretty in the photo, right? Yeah, not so pretty in person. Fake flowers just look so.... fake. And to make them not look fake, you'd have to pony up a lot more than you would if you just got real flowers in the first place.

Thankfully, the sample I bought didn't completely go to waste.  One of my coworkers has a grandmother in Brooklyn who loves fake flowers.  So I gave it to her.

So, no fake flowers.  

On Green Weddings

Recently somebody in my life berated me on not having a green wedding. Some points of criticism were:

• My caterer more than likely doesn't use organic produce
• I didn't use recycled paper in my save the dates
• I'm not using recycled paper in my invitations or programs
• I don't know if my dress is made from organic materials (it probably isn't)
• I don't really remember anything else because this is all a bunch of hot air to me

Now, don't get me wrong, I think that trying to be green is a very worthy and noble thing to aspire to. I don't do anything actively green in my life, but I do know that my way of living is the best I could make it for the environment, considering Dude and I live in a small apartment (doesn't take much to heat or cool or light), we take public transportation every day (don't own a car), recycle when possible, and buy from local vendors.

You know what makes our wedding green? The fact that 80% of our guest list don't have to fly and are taking public transportation to get there. That the hotel, chapel, and reception venue are all within walking distance of each other and we are planning to walk everywhere. That we're not doing much for decoration other than a bunch of candles on the tables (less shit to throw out).

But what really bugs me, is that this person doesn't even live a green lifestyle. It's all great and good to try to be green at your wedding, every little bit helps, but when you commute to work with two SUVs and own a huge house that needs a lot of energy to heat, your carbon footprint far exceeds mine, even if I don't use the stupid recycled paper. Also because everyone at her wedding had to fly to get there. Real green, sister.

It's Time to Delegate

Having found myself incredibly overwhelmed at work, I finally decided to relinquish control and hand over the honeymoon planning to Dude. The latest iteration is some combination of Italy, Greece, and Croatia, maybe Turkey also. We will definitely be driving part of the way, definitely need to hit Trieste to visit some family, and possibly a cruise to hit the rest. But this past Sunday I spent all day poring over ticket prices and cruise reviews and my trusty Rick Steves Italy book. I drove myself crazy.

No more! No more!

And the bouquets or bouquet alternatives! I don't care anymore! I'd sooner carry pot roast down the aisle! Other stuff I no longer care about - invitations, out of town bags, favors, shoes, videographer, centerpieces!!! They are done and the decisions have been made and I'm not entertaining any more ideas!!!!!

And John McCain can kiss my liberal-feminist-ass!

(Driving myself crazy, can you tell?)

This is Not a Wedding Related Post

We are two and a half weeks away from the election and as such I cannot keep my mouth shut. This is going to be my obligatory political post and if you don't care to read it, please move on.

Be warned - my level of profanity greatly increases in this post as I remember all the points that bother me.

I will not be voting for John McCain for the following reasons:

1. Because he opposes gay marriage.
2. Because I firmly believe that when it comes to the economy, he has no fucking clue what he's talking about. Especially when he says shit like "Fannie and Freddie Mae." Moron.
   
3. He owns multiple properties, I'm still not clear on how many but it's probably 8, and I believe anyone who owns that many properties is clearly not affected by the same issues as the person who only has one and can barely pay his mortgage.
4. I don't want to discriminate based on age, but McCain is clearly not going to be affected long-term by any boneheaded policy his administration might make.
5. Because he puts into air quotes "the health of the mother," like it's some imaginary thing, like he is a "viable" candidate for presidency. Note, this point is NOT ABOUT ABORTION but about his apparent disdain for a terrible choice that many unfortunate women have to make: your baby or your life.
   
6. I do not respect any man who calls his wife a trollop and a c*nt because she ruffled his balding head.
7. Especially because he lives off of her inheritance.
8. And he opposes a bill that gets rid of the statute of limitations on women who bring lawsuits against pay discrimination. (I think the current maximum is 180 days - don't quote me on that as I'm not 100% - but pay discrimination often takes years to prove.)
9. And he says that women suing for equal pay is not the way to get higher paying jobs, but to get more education and training. Like, fuck you, you fucking fuck. We already ARE educated and trained, and we're still paid less, that's the whole fucking point.
   
10. I am deeply offended by his naming Sarah Palin as a running mate, because I think it was a cheap ploy to get women to vote for him. As if he thinks that I will overlook all of Sarah Palin's inadequacies because OH MY GOD, SHE HAS BOOBS AND A VAGINA, JUST LIKE ME. AND SHE'S SO PRETTY AND CHARMING. LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE CAN'T NAME A SPECIFIC NEWSPAPER AND THINKS HER PROXIMITY TO RUSSIA QUALIFIES HER IN THE FOREIGN POLICY DEPARTMENT.
    

Fuck you John McCain.

Question

When should I bring in my dress to the tailor?

I have some major alterations to be done. My dress is two pieces, both of which need to be taken in and shortened. Also, the lace appliques on the outer piece need to be taken off and then put back on after the outer piece has been made smaller. All in all my dress needs to go from a 14 to a 6, I think. And both pieces will need some sort of bustle.

Is it too soon now?

On Siblings

I visited my hometown this weekend, mostly to visit my mom but also to start gathering photos for our wedding slideshow. Our venue has a lot of flat screen TVs and so I want to have the slideshow play in loop throughout the entire evening. I've never been a fan of the stop-everything-and-watch-this kind of slideshow, though I acknowledge that it's an extremely poignant and cherished thing to do. But I didn't want to make anyone watch it, so I think I'll be captioning everything and just leaving it on all night.

But I digress again.

As I searched through boxes and boxes of unorganized photos, it suddenly dawned on me just how much of my personality comes from my brother. Or maybe it's his personality that comes from me, who knows. It's no secret that we are freakishly close and have the same sense of humor and the same taste in movies and get in trouble all in the same way. We look nothing alike but all we have to do is start talking and there's pretty much no mistaking. As I looked through all these photos of us growing up I realized how much of my life has always involved him. We fought like crazy, but we were pals. And I felt this sense of new fondness for him, the only person in the world who knew what it was like when our parents left us in the Philippines to build a new life in America, who knows exactly how lonely that was, who entertained me through our entire childhood since both our parents were workaholics. My fiercely loyal brother who once threatened an ex-boyfriend of mine when another girl started flirting with him.

As I go through the process of wedding planning I am constantly reminded of the role that people play in my life, and I'm truly grateful for each and every one of them.

My brother rocks.

On Dancing

If you don't know me and have just started reading this blog, you may not know that I am a dancer. I've been dancing practically since I could walk, and it's the one thing that I can do where I can block out every other part of my life.

But Dude is not a dancer. It makes him pretty uncomfortable and so we have some work to do in terms of our first dance.

On a tangent, I don't understand why male dancers are generally thought of as effeminate. Statistically speaking there are a lot of homosexual men in dance. But the whole concept of pairs dancing, where there is a definite masculine role and a definite feminine role... I'd actually argue that dance forces masculinity in men, at least when it comes to male-female pairs dancing. The masculine role in pairs dancing is always masculine, and when the masculine dancer's not, the whole thing looks odd and uncomfortable and poorly executed.

And on another tangent, it kind of bothers me that many American men I know look down on dance as a "gay" thing to do, like it's a threat to their precious masculinity. Dance is such a basic form of expression and those who do dance will tell you it's such a natural high to allow your body to be in sync with your emotions (often celebratory).

But I digress.

Because I'm a dancer I'm very very picky about how I'm perceived, especially with my partner, when dancing. So I've pretty much given up on Dude doing anything complicated. I am choreographing a simple dance to an upbeat, fun-loving song, and Dude will most likely be standing around while I do chaines and pirouettes around him. I hope my dress won't be a hindrance.

A win for everybody!

Connecticut Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

Connecticut became the third state to legalize same-sex marriage today in a 4-3 decision by the state Supreme Court.

In an 85-page decision issued at 11:30 a.m., the court struck down a law barring same-sex marriage, ruling that the state had "failed to establish adequate reason to justify the statutory ban."

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 3

Part 3 - Make Your Own Rules

Full disclosure: we own a copy of Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus. I'm not a fan of it*, but I'll admit there are some pretty good insights into people in general and I don't regret reading it.

There is a section in the book that reads:

To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone. [...]
To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.

It's actually the opposite in our home. I'm the one that needs the cave, and Dude is the one to talk openly when stressed.

We're planning on having me stay in the workforce and Dude be a stay at home Dad.

We get a lot of raised eyebrows when we share these pieces of news, but that's us. This is the way in which our lives work for us. We can be unconventional sometimes, but we are also conventional about a lot of things. We have to make it work for us and our family.

*in general I resent anything that makes broad generalizations about gender, though admittedly I can be hypocritical about that sometimes

Le Sigh.

It's a long story so I won't bore you with all the details but we've changed our minds about Japan. Since we'll be going to the Philippines the Christmas after we get married it didn't make sense to take two incredibly long flights in the same year. So we're going to Japan after we visit the Philippines, and are back to square one on the honeymoon plans.

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 2

Part 2 - You Don't Have to Do Everything Together

A friend from my dance class just returned from Vegas. I asked her if she won or lost and she said she didn't go there to gamble, she went there for Mr. Olympia.

me: "Mr. Olympia the muscle man thing?"
friend: "Yeah." (Friend weighs something like 90 lbs and is so not the body building type)
me: "You don't strike me as being into body building."
friend: "I'm not, my husband is. It was his birthday present."
me: "How was it?"
friend: "I wish I sent him with his friends and I stayed home."

It is really sweet, I think, when you do something you totally hate because your partner enjoys it. But is it worth it if it builds resentment?

This is pretty relevant to our relationship in general. I am a dancer and Dude is a swimmer, and we both actively hate each other's hobby. Occasionally, we'll humor each other. Occasionally I let Dude teach me to swim, and I didn't complain (much) when the Olympics were on. I try to get him to appreciate dance on TV, or at least he doesn't mind (much) when I practice at home. I wouldn't try to drag him to a performance and he wouldn't try to drag me to a meet. It sounds like we are being unsupportive, but I think it's the complete opposite. We completely understand that even though we don't understand or enjoy each other's hobby, that we need them, and having them makes us better people and therefore better partners to each other.

Divorcing Myself From Weddingbee

Weddingbee was at one point my one stop shop of how to do wedding related stuff, and I have to say it helped quite a bit. I'm sad to say that I'll no longer be reading it, because Weddingbee was just recently bought by eHarmony.

In case you are unaware, eHarmony does not allow the gay community to use their services. This is discrimination, pure and simple. They hide this discrimination by saying that they are diverse (look at all the colored people on our diversity section!) but that the gay community is simply a market that their business model is not going to pursue. They say that by allowing the gay community to use their services they would have to "tweak" their special scientific formula for matchmaking. They say that their goal is ultimately marriage, and like it or not, homosexual marriage is still illegal for the most part.

This is horseshit.

If eHarmony were a bus service and had this same policy, we would be back to the pre-civil rights years. If it were any other type of business, there would be riots - what if it were a retail store, or a restaurant? How would the people react to "We won't serve you because you're gay"?

Okay, so it isn't a retail store or a restaurant or a bus service. It's a matchmaking service. But then I'll have to throw back that Jdate caters to the Jewish community specifically, but you don't have to be Jewish to join Jdate. In fact there's a growing number of folks on Jdate who specifically announce that they are non-Jews looking for Jewish partners.

This is discrimination.

That coupled with eHarmony's affiliation with Focus on the Family, ugh, don't even get me started on a group that tries to convert homosexuals, insinuating it is a choice.

This is a wedding planning blog, not a politics blog, but while the government still tells me who I can marry and by whom and what rights I get or don't get because I'm married, it will always be political. Forty years ago it would have been illegal for me to marry Dude. Forty years. My parents would have been in their teenage years... that's frighteningly recent.

I'm hoping that (much) sooner than forty years from now, my gay family and friends will be able to have the same rights as I do. Call it marriage, call it civil union, it doesn't matter, a rose by any other name...

Lessons About Marriage From Happy Couples, Part 1

As I near my wedding date I'm trying to ready myself for married life. I think this is a huge part of wedding planning, and one that I am happy to spend a lot of time doing instead of my usual complaining.

I live with Dude, and we've been dating for over five years, so in many ways I already consider myself married, and that our wedding will be just a formality. However, I have never been married, so I don't know what to expect, and there's a part of me that knows that nothing can really prepare me for it. But being the analytical person I am, I am trying to gather data and piece together anecdotes of married life, little moments that I've actually experienced and stories my family and friends have told me. Things to expect after our wedding. This is my sad attempt at making this a series.

Part 1 - It's the Little Things*

My mother would be mortified if she knew I were sharing this, but every night after she has cleaned up and before she goes to bed, she puts on perfume. When I was very young, I asked her why she did this, and she replied, "Because I'm married."

Now, I was probably 8 or 9 when this happened, so I just accepted her answer, not really knowing exactly what "being married" actually meant.

It has only been recently that I realized that she did it because she was sharing her bed and she wanted to smell nice. It was something she did that eventually became habit, just a little something to make bedtime a little more special. And as I was growing up I remember coming into my parents' bed in the morning, and my mom always smelled of her perfume. Every time I smell that perfume I am reminded of those mornings, and I'm completely sure my dad feels the same way too.



*I have a feeling that "It's the Little Things" will end up being the lesson for most of these

Brides are Crazy, AKA Why I Should Really Really Stop Reading Wedding Blogs

Yesterday the brides of the internet were in a tizzy because someone on Weddingbee decided to post a potentially weekly feature called "Queer Wedding Wednesdays."

Link here.

Now, in case you don't know me and it hasn't been made clear, I fully support gay marriage. I would actually go so far as to say that's my number one political issue. I've been on the record, in my younger years, proclaiming I wouldn't want to get married until everyone were legally able to, but unlucky for my idealism I met Dude.

The Weddingbee post didn't really make me think twice, except that by the time I saw it, there were already 50+ comments on it, and an hour later there were 70, so I had to read. And boy was I in for a treat. Hilario.

Aside from the obvious intial don't-you-dare-suggest-censorship reaction I had, I couldn't believe how these ladies were all, stop writing about being gay, where are all the DIY posts, put your politics elsewhere. I could almost hear their thoughts as they wonder "But, but... princesses can't marry other princesses... can they?!" or "Every wedding should have at least one person wearing a dress, why are they both wearing suits?" Dear Lord how those panties must have been all twisted at reading the post.

And that's part of the reason why I hate weddings so much. I grew up with homosexual aunts and uncles, it's completely accepted in my family and I grew up thinking that's the norm everywhere. I feel like the wedding world is full of Princess Grace wannabes, and if you don't fit that image, then you are outcast and shunned. And I've never wanted to be a princess, even when I was a little girl and my mom dressed me in all lace clothes. I ruined them and trampled them and covered them in dirt. Perhaps I was always supposed to be the jester.

And now I leave you, dear internets, with one of my favorite quotes, from none other than Mr. Chris Rock:

People always say that we can't have gay marriage because marriage is a sacred institution, that happens in the church. It's sacred... no it's not! Marriage ain't sacred! Not in America! Not in the country that watches "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" or "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" or "Who Wants to Marry a Midget?" Get the fuck outta here! Gay people have as much of a right to be miserable as everybody else!

Another Gag and Complaining Moment

It bugs me how so many wedding articles and blog posts* claim to "swoon" over things. I swoon over these dresses, I swoon over these flowers, swooning... over invitations and centerpieces? I'm sorry, but technically, swooning occurs when there's not enough blood flow to your head. The term came into popularity because women wore corsets too tightly. It's not only that it's not literal (I don't actually have an issue with not being literal), but it's so cutesy and weak. It's almost the same peeve I have with "listen to your heart"... um, the heart is an organ**.

Drool, I could probably deal with. While still being figurative you could actually drool over something you coveted enough.

But swoon? Lest your coveting has gotten to the point where you actually forget to breathe, or you subconsciously are able to restrict your lungs and diaphragm, or perhaps you just forgot to eat or drink anything that day... I don't think so.

I get really annoyed at what I can't really describe any better than language inflation.  "Good" is no longer good enough, it has to be "fabulous" (another word I hate) or "great" or "perfect".  I can't say something is "okay" without offending someone.  Sometimes, things really and truly are just okay, and there is nothing wrong or bad about okay.  It can't all be perfect and fabulous.

End rant.

*So... this is not really just wedding related.  Generally I hate the usage of swoon when it's not literal.
**I totally understand that "listen to your heart" actually means follow your conscience, your gut, your feelings... but I've always preferred the rational over the emotional.  I'm a head over heart kind of girl.

I Don't Do Diets

According to the Knot, now is the time for me to start "taking better care of myself" such as getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, and getting healthy for my big day. I know this really means go on a diet. I'm generally happy with myself but I'll admit I'd like to lose a few pounds before the wedding. But I don't do diets. I hate restricting the things I eat, and I'd go so far as to say the reason I try to stay in good health is because I don't want to come down with a condition that will prohibit certain foods (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes.... all of which run in my family). The easiest way to drive me crazy is to tell me I can't have something.

So in preparation, I've upped my dance classes and gym time and generally eat healthier. Substitute chicken or fish instead of red meat, don't keep cookies in the house, fewer alcoholic drinks when out and about.

I'm also doing the hundred pushups challenge:


Though I have to say, I am slacking a bit. I hate push ups more than anything (well maybe I hate sit ups more) but I'm starting to feel a difference.

Some Updates

It is really, really hard to think about planning a wedding in these times. I'm not one to really care too much anyway, but especially now, especially in New York, especially when so many of my friends work in banking. It seems so wasteful to think about all this energy and money going towards a single day of my life. And then I think that because this only happens once, that it should be good, because when all these things are going so very badly then we need to find joy wherever it can be had.

I kind of lazed around all summer because "I still have so much time!" and then I woke up one morning and realized it was September. That not only is it September but it's mid-September, and that it's no longer ludicrous to have Halloween candy in the grocery stores.

The invitations are slowly coming. I am unhappy with the paper cutter I ordered, but I'm not going to get another one. I underestimated the thickness of one of the papers I was going to use, but I can live with it. The color of the enclosures is a little too yellow. All small things.

And we have a tentative itinerary for Japan, which is

Tokyo - fly to...
Okinawa - fly to...
Osaka - train to...
Kyoto - train to...
somewhere else? - train to...
Tokyo - fly home.

Seven Years Ago, A Perfect Fall Day, Ruined

I was a junior in college. I was getting ready for a 9:30 class and my mom called me in a panic. After I reassured her that I was nowhere near, I found my friends, because nothing is worse than being scared all by yourself. The cell phones weren't working. We went to the penthouse floor of one of the dorms and watched all the smoke and held each other's hands and tried not to freak out about the people we knew who would be in that area that morning. We watched the towers fall. Despite the nice autumn weather we slept with windows closed for fear of asbestos in the air.

In the aftermath, we saw the best and worst of people. Concerned people hugged each other in the subway and looked out for each other. Narrow minded people hurled insults at anyone resembling anyone from the Middle East, regardless of which country they actually hailed from. Fear turned to anger, and from then on we've always been at war, with other nations, with each other.

There are certain things that divide the New Yorkers who lived here before that day and those who came after. They are small things. For me, the biggest thing is getting out of the subway and knowing exactly which way was south by looking up. It's also the shared story. The feeling that lingered in the city that you can't describe to anyone who wasn't here.

As everyone chugs along their wedding plans, please take a moment this fall and look at the big picture. Remember that the freedoms you have today were not always there, and people were imprisoned and shunned and persecuted to fight for them. Remember that to be a good citizen one must be aware and informed, because when we are lazy and rely on others to tell us what is right and wrong, bad things happen. Remember that not 80 years ago, women couldn't vote. Not 40 years ago, many states banned interracial marriage. Laws can and will change and awareness is what's going to make them change for the better.

Remember that in the grand scheme of things, your wedding is not really that important, and what's important are the people who love and care for you, and that you can live your life the way you choose.

Disappointment on the Honeymoon Front

After lots of research on the internet and a lengthy chat with the travel agents here at work, we have decided to focus our entire honeymoon on Japan. The tickets to do any combination of Japan and Tahiti cost 4K per person, so we clearly had to choose one or the other. So Japan for honeymoon, and I managed to convince Dude to do Tahiti for first anniversary.

A bit sad. Dangit, all I want is an overwater bungalow!!!

Trial Day, or Going into the Subway with an Updo and Lots of Makeup Will Get You Funny Looks

Today was my hair and makeup trial with a lovely Japanese lady and so I trekked over to the outer boroughs for an afternoon of primping. Now, I don't like getting my hair done and I wear very little makeup (eyeliner and chapstick are more than enough), so I wasn't incredibly excited about this particular task. But the Knot says it's time for a trial and so to a trial I went.

I'm kind of a failure when it comes to these things. Remember the few posts where I showed some hair inspirations? Yeah, I forgot to print them out. I was running late already and had to find one of the few bridal magazines I had left (I threw them all out in a breakdown a few weeks ago) and I ripped out three styles that were okay and then I ran out the door. As my stylist and I start talking I tell her that I have severe allergies and I've had allergic reactions to makeup. As she applies makeup I start asking her questions and telling her things that raise her eyebrows, probably because I really think I should have known some of this as a member of the female population. Questions like, how does one remove fake eyelashes? Are you sure my eyelashes won't come out along with the fake ones? Is that just a little too much foundation? And no, I don't own any eye makeup remover.

And, bless her heart, my stylist answered everything without showing in her face (much) that I should really know better.

So, the makeup was good, the fake eyelashes came off, and here are the three styles we tried on today.



The Curl:



The Jessica Alba:



The Hayden Panettiere:


And 9 hours later, my makeup was still on and my hair was still curly, despite the humidity of today and the general grossness of the subways.


I love my stylist!!!

Itching to DIY

Ordered for Invitations/Programs:
- envelopes (received)
- linen paper
- cardstock
- paper cutter

Designs for invites and thank you cards are done and I can't tell you how much I don't ever want to look at fonts again. Though I know I'll need to again when I start with the programs. Dude and I have been arguing over font color, font size, and wording for what seems like months now.

Other works in progress: veil and hairpiece.

An End to the Honeymoon Indecision

We have finally decided on our honeymoon locations.

A background:
I've traveled a lot. I have an unfair advantage because I lived in the Philippines until I was 9 or 10, but maybe that's why I love it so much. I think that travel is the single most important thing (besides saving for retirement) a young person can do while unmarried and have no dependents, and my biggest regret is not studying abroad during college. I don't think there's anything more educating and encouraging of tolerance and acceptance. As such, after I graduated college and actually started making my own money, I spent it all on travel and not on material stuff. Last year I clocked 4 international trips and man, was that hard on the wallet (but great on the memories!).

Dude has not left the continent. He has traveled extensively around it (I think he's only missing one or two states and he's been to the tip of Central America and we've been all over the Caribbean together). With his newfound love of Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations, he is now itching to travel.

So when we first started talking honeymoon, we tossed around every idea possible. The biggest idea was Dude's, and that was to go around the world in three or four stops. We thought about SO MANY locations. Greece, Seychelles, Dubai was the original trifecta, then Australia, New Zealand, China, Turkey, Egypt.... the list goes on. Originally we thought that was a great idea. And then we started pricing out flights and hotels, and realized that the most we could take off of work was two and a half weeks. Three or four stops was just too ambitious, and we would spend so much of our time in airports and not seeing where we are.

Compromise time:
Dude picked his top choice and I picked my top choice and we would do both.

So we landed on Japan (Dude's) and Tahiti (mine).

It's actually perfect for us. Tahiti will be the relaxing part of the honeymoon, we will lounge around and stay in a bungalow above the water. And then Japan will be the cultural urban part of the honeymoon. A good friend of mine lives there and we plan on going to Tokyo and Osaka. We'll spend more time in Japan because I have a four or five day tolerance for lounging (sad but true).

Unfortunately since Dude is in school we have to wait a few months after the wedding until we get to go. But at least he won't be stressing about exams and homework while we are away. We'll likely take a couple of days off after the wedding to re-center ourselves and relax, maybe go to a bed and breakfast somewhere.

NO IT IS NOT A FUCKING "MINI-MOON" AND DO NOT EVER USE THAT WORD AROUND ME OR I'LL CLOCK YOU. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. IT IS A MADE UP WORD TO TRY TO FORCE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ABOUT WEDDING PLANNING TO BE CUTESY-WOOTSY, PONIES AND UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE AND I WILL NOT PROPAGATE IT NOW OR EVER.

I Have a New Favorite Blog

It's hilario.

I Hate Planning My Wedding.

And Yet Another Thing I'm Undecided About

Videographer.

Neither Dude nor I particularly like home videos and so at first we just said no. But as time passes (stupid one year engagement!) I'm having second thoughts.

I was a singer/dancer in my younger days, and I was always sad that my parents never had copies of my performances, especially because they were good. We always relied on getting copies from my friends who were in the shows with me, and of course that wasn't great because the camera was focused on them.

The one point that really got me thinking was one day a very good friend of mine (whose mother passed away when my friend was 16) copied all of her home videos to DVD and told me that until she watched them, she had completely forgotten what her mother's voice sounded like. That was a really poignant thing to say, and at that moment I thought that maybe, still photos weren't enough.



But then, I look at trailers and clips for wedding videos and I think... CHEESY CHEESY CHEESY. PUKE GAG VOMIT. I have yet to see a wedding video that has not elicited this reaction from me. Yes, I include the artistic ones that my friends have posted about as well.

Sigh. Decisions decisions.

Portraiture

I hate portraits. I much prefer candid shots, though candid shots of me are always of me laughing or eating or making some weird face. I don't mind the photographer saying "please pause what you are doing and smile at me for a second" but I really don't like posing.

I think it's because I was a flower girl so many times, and there are just SO MANY portraits of my family in the Philippines that I'm just tired of them. There are dozens of photos, all looking exactly the same, except the bride and groom are different and the children are younger or older, depending on whose wedding it was. YAWN.

Of course, my mom will insist on some portraits, and of course I will appease her on that. But I'm going to do a lot of them my way.

Case in point:


This one's kinda cute except I HATE kissing pictures:


Images from Travis Hoehne Photography.

Actually I hate POSED kissing pictures. If it was a photo that caught a moment we thought was private and unseen then it's okay, I guess.

Hair Hair Hair

I am in the process of scheduling my hair and makeup trial and so I have to actually really start thinking about how I want my hair to look.

Some inspirations below the cut.



Classic bun with a twist


Low and Loose


Chignon

Some Decisions

NO flowers. I've gone back and forth on this quite a bit and I've decided that I neither have the time nor the energy to actually find flowers that I'm not allergic to, and I really don't want to worry about having to take an allergy pill the day of my wedding, which could make me really dry (and sometimes nosebleed, yeah, too much information, I know) or sleepy. Have not yet figured out the alternative. Some definite options though.

YES camping out at my parents' house to use their printer (and sewing machine).

NO nice shoes under my dress. Nothing makes me more cranky that hurting feet and I'm not going to risk it.

YES fabric shopping this week, maybe.

Still need: some kind of cover up to go over the dress.

I Couldn't Really Blame Her, I Suppose

Last week my mom called me at work, in a panic.

"Did you think about the booze?! Do we have to bring some? Where are we going to get it?"

Wow.

I can't really blame her. She knows my disgust for weddings (she made me be a flower girl 7 times, for chrissakes) and so she assumed that like all tasks I don't want to do, I would procrastinate and scramble at the last minute.

So I laughed and told her that not only did I think about the booze, but also that it was the very first thing I thought about, and that everything is included in the venue price per head. Yes that means booze. Also the rentals and the linens and the food. (And by the way, could you please not call me about weddings at work, I work with all guys and they need to respect me. I love you I'll call you later, bye.) I've been to enough dry weddings to know that booze is a must.

We opted for a limited open bar with beer and wine and a specialty drink of iced tea with vodka. We were trying to go for a spiked sweet tea as a nod to Dude's southern roots, which I think would entail either bourbon or whiskey, but vodka will go down easier and will probably be preferred by most people.

Most wedding planning advice tells you to opt for a limited open bar because it saves you money, but interestingly enough, it didn't really save that much money. We almost buckled down and got the full open bar but like everything in wedding planning, even an extra $5 will be a huge hit when you multiply it by your guest list.

Another One of Those Things I Never Knew About Weddings

Despite my aversion for the Knot I still log onto it from time to time because it has the most comprehensive checklist I've seen, and if it were not for the Knot I would never know when the proper time is to do some things and probably procrastinate until the end (ahem, flowers, cough!). So I logged on today to make sure I'm up to speed and according to the Knot, the top discussion today is...

"What's your cake cutting song?"

Um... you need a cake cutting song? Why? So we can sway our hips while mashing cake on each other's face? Perhaps we have to cut the cake on beat with the song?

Hilario

A bit crass, but a pretty funny idea.
Save on Weddings by Finding Out Who Your Real Friends Are.

Although I have to say, the questions are too easy, you could get this information second or third hand. Personally I'd add

11) Have we spoken in the last two years?
12) What are my siblings' names?
13) If I or my fiance needed a bone marrow transplant and you were the only match the doctors could find, would you undergo a painful procedure to help me/him?

Okay, fine, maybe not #13.

Obviously this is not the way we are going, but it brings up a good point. Who wants their wedding to be a sea full of strangers and old acquaintances?

What's a Party Without Entertainment

Originally we were going to go the iPod-and-a-charismatic-friend-with-good-taste route with the entertainment. After a while we decided to go the DJ route and budgeted accordingly. Lo and behold, a good friend of ours with an event planning company offered his services at a fraction of our budget. Ordinarily he doesn't do weddings ("Brides are crazy!!" His words, not mine!) but made an exception for us. He got us a great deal with a DJ and offered his services as emcee. He also knows our venue and the folks that run it, so I'm more at ease.

And as an added bonus, his girlfriend also does event planning and we were able to secure her services as a day of coordinator.

DJ, emcee, and Day of Coordinator, all for the price of our original DJ budget. YAY! Our friends rock.

And, if all else fails, there's still the iPod-and-a-charismatic-friend-with-good-taste is always an option.

Give Me a Break

This last weekend Dude and I whisked ourselves to a friend of a friend's lakehouse in upstate New York. We spent the weekend with our amazing friends, grilling, swimming, enjoying each other and not thinking about wedding. Since the engagement there hasn't been more than a day when we haven't had to deal with something wedding related (ours or somebody else's), and we were just about sick of it. This weekend we got to relax and be a little bit of those people who we were before we got engaged.

With every decision we make and every step along the way, we have to remember that despite all this madness, that it's all just about the two of us.

Posting resumes this week, and among the topics are fabric shopping, other centerpiece ideas, alternatives to flowers, and the kindness of friends.

Simple and Pretty

There is a very good possibility I've found the centerpiece design.

The One That Will Make the Feminists Hate Me

I'm not into the co-ed shower.

I know that's completely against my tradition-stinks attitude, but I'm not. There's just something about being in the company of women that makes it all different. Our hair is let down, we don't criticize our men for their wrinkly shirts or drinking too much, and we can gossip to our heart's content.

And, the real reason - any kind of shower that my mom and Maid of Honor will throw is not an event that Dude will want to attend, or the men that we know for that matter. No amount of booze will make the present-opening hour go by any faster. In mine and Dude's case, it would be an obligation party and we would hate that most of all.

Okay I take some of it back, my gay friends are more than welcome to come.

It's Getting Hot in Hair

In my adolescence I think my amount of self loathing was your normal teenage level. There weren't (I guess still aren't) that many Asian celebrities so media images of beauty were always blondes and brunettes with wavy hair. It's interesting how Eastern and Western perceptions of beauty are different, but that is for another post.

But oh, how I tried so very hard to achieve that wavy hair. I even got a perm (yes, a perm!), but instead of getting beautiful wavy hair, my hair looked fried and I think I kind of looked like a cocker spaniel.

It wasn't until later on that I really loved the fact that I had all this thick straight dark brown to jet black (depending on the light) hair. And I do love it now.

But on my wedding day, I'm still holding onto the fantasy of wavy hair.



Though it's very likely it will end up like this:



Sigh. Decisions, decisions.

Ugh, Flowers

Despite the fact that I've barrelled through most of my to-do list there is one thing that I am procrastinating on because I really hate it... the florist.

Let me be honest here for a moment. It's not just that I have severe allergies to most flowers. I just don't get flowers. I don't understand why it ever became tradition or custom to give and receive and expect flowers. I have this image in my head of some caveman, failing to obtain an appropriate meal for the evening, picks up a bunch of weeds and offers it to his cavewoman as a distraction. And then what cavewoman would forgive such a deed just because there's something pretty in her face? I understand that flowers are pretty - but pretty for pretty's sake is of no interest to me.

I contemplated not even having any flowers at the wedding, except that if all eyes are going to be on me and the bridesmaids, we better well be holding onto something for dear life.

I have still not ruled out waking up on our wedding day, going to the corner bodega, and picking up a few bunches of whatever is there, tying them up with some ribbon.

The point is, I still don't have a florist.

Wedding, Half Morocco Style

Dude and I schlepped our way to hot and humid Texas for a long Fourth of July weekend and wedding. The weekend was a rare combination of extravagant and personal. The bride's family from Morocco flew in for the festivities. While the wedding itself was your traditional American wedding-in-a-hotel, we were treated to some traditional Moroccan food at a cooking class. For the rehearsal dinner, all the women donned kaftans and the bride made the most majestic entrance I have ever seen (faces blurred for privacy):




It seemed as if the Moroccan part was very maternal and female centric, with all the women dancing and cheering and singing around the bride. I'm not sure if that's how it is really, or if it was just because there were more Moroccan women than men.

It was a grand old time and the actual wedding itself was beautiful and filled with friends.

Don't Mess with Texas

Dude and I are in Texas attending a Moroccan wedding. All I can say is wow. Details when we get home but all I can say is I want a kaftan.

Reviewing the Registries

We ultimately registered at three places - Bed Bath and Beyond, Bloomingdale's, and MyRegistry.com - and here is my review of the process so far.



MyRegistry.com
The Good:
We liked MyRegistry.com because it lets guests contribute cash gifts that are then linked through your PayPal account. We named our cash bucket our House Fund, which, to be honest, is really where any of those gifts will go. We also use MyRegistry.com for something a little bit off center and registered for wines and spirits at wine.com.

The Bad:
We thought we would use MyRegistry.com for everything, except that it doesn't automatically update what is still needed versus what has been fulfilled. It gives you a friendly pop up that says after you purchase, please update the list, but then that leaves an extra step for guests. There was the risk that we would end up with multiples of the same thing and we'd be under the mercy of each vendor's return policy. We also didn't like that there is a service charge for cash gifts, but it's not that much.

Bed Bath and Beyond
The Good:
Super Low Maintenance. We set up our registry online and we went to the store, got a 2 minute tutorial on how to use the gun, and then were set on our way. We got to do everything our way and everything we needed was in the store. The selection is also pretty good.

The Bad:
Not all in-store items are available online, so we had to go online and edit our list for things that are readily available online. I didn't want to force people to actually go to the store to get the gift. Also - a lot of the things we liked were seasonal and will likely not be available in the next few months.

Bloomingdale's
The Good:
The fine china and flatware selection is really great. The everyday sets were also pretty nice, but we had those ready at BB&B. We decided to do the really fancy things at Bloomingdale's so we were prepared for the increase in price, but we could find a lot of choices that were within a reasonable amount.

The Bad:
Oh dear Lord, did they ever give a speech on how to register. Bloomingdale's is just a higher end store and so everything was geared towards that. We really didn't feel comfortable registering for anything greater than 500 dollars, I know that people might chip in and buy one big thing, but we just didn't feel comfortable registering for something that cost that much and frankly wasn't important to us at all. We were sitting in the registry office for about 30 minutes before we could go and register, and we had to listen to our guy talk about what price ranges were acceptable for showers and wedding (which I thought ludicrous, by the way). Also - the nice china I liked in the store was not available online, so we had to edit that as well.


All in all, not a painful experience, a little bit fun also. Except I hadn't broken in my shoes yet that I bought for MonkeyGirl's wedding so I had blisters and was hobbling around Bloomie's.

The Bouquet Toss and My Aneurysm

I really, really, really hate the bouquet toss. I hate it so much that it makes me angry just thinking about it.

I know a lot of my friends say that it's one of the big privileges of being a bride is to throw the bouquet, and that it's just a fun thing to do and people like me shouldn't read too much into it. And, if you're one of those people who don't mind it or actually enjoy it, then I'm happy for you and I'll get in that group because you asked me to and it's your daaaay... but I won't fake enthusiasm and I wouldn't catch your bouquet even if you threw it at my face.

The thing is, it's not the symbolism of the bouquet toss that I hate. I couldn't give a crap about the symbolism and the "next to marry" thing, who thinks such things anyway?

What I really hate is the exclusion of all single females in the group. As a female who for the time being still falls into the group of women who get called out in weddings for this stupid tradition, I hate being specifically called out, to fake this desperation. It's like, let's remind you all that your one purpose in life is to get married so why don't you get in a group so we can single you out and make one of you really uncomfortable! And then heaven forbid you refuse to get up to do this, then you are a BAD GUEST.

I would go so far as to say the one thing that makes me really excited about getting married is never having to be made to catch the bouquet ever again. Hallelujah!

So... there won't be any bouquet toss at my wedding, and I'm not apologizing for that.

Finally, Something for Him

Yesterday we got (through the strings of my jeweler mom) Dude's wedding band!



It's pretty simple, a comfort fit 7mm white gold band in his size. I was surprised at how heavy it was, but that was completely my mom's doing. She didn't want every little bump to dent the ring.

I have to say, I felt all kinds of funny when he put it on. It was the first time, I think, that it all became real to me.

Intercultural Differences and the Registry

Full disclosure in case you didn't know: I am Filipina and Dude is Southern.

Obviously there are differences because Dude has never left the continent and I was born and spent my childhood in the Philippines. But for the most part it has worked out for us, and we've found that in our everyday lives, there are more similarities than not. People are still people, after all.

My friend MonkeyGirl did an excellent post on Filipino wedding traditions here, some of which we'll also incorporate, but she does a far better job of describing them than I ever will so I'll let her post speak for itself.

What I do want to talk about today, is the registry.



Dude and I finished our first round of registering this weekend (I say first round because we may add to it if people use it for showers and things) and for the most part we are happy with it.

Here's the big difference - Filipinos don't register.

Now my memories of the Philippines are that of a little girl, so I don't actually know if that is the custom or etiquette, all I know is what I remember. I've been a flower girl in 10 weddings (17 aunts and uncles - without spouses) and nobody registered.

Basically gifts are just given, and most gifts are just cash. Most recently my cousins who are my age have started to get married and in their invitations they include wording that says "in lieu of gifts, the bride and groom would prefer cash for their future together" blah blah blah.

Yes, Miss Manners, they go right out and ask for money. One Filipino wedding my parents attended in Texas even included the couple's bank account number on the invitation.

I tend to split half and half between Filipino and American when it comes to my ideas on customs and etiquette, but I found this tacky. My parents, however, did not. My mom actually asked me today, "If you don't put it on the invitation, how do people know?"

As we go along this whole process of becoming a family I am sure more details like this will show up. So far it hasn't been a challenge - in fact Dude and I take a lot of delight in working these things out and picking and choosing the best from both cultures. This is a process, and both sides are still learning.

In this case, I'm going to let my mom handle the Filipino half.

Poll of the Day

An open thank you note to our parents and siblings on the cover of our programs. (Two notes, one by me and one by him.)

Yay or nay?

Yes!

I usually stay away from too many wedding blogs because truth be told, they make me feel like a slacker. But today on Weddingbee was the best post that has just cheered me up. Here you go.

It is just a wedding.

A Little Undecided

My DIY hairpiece is taking shape, and I'm a little iffy on it. Maybe the beads are too thin? Maybe I need them to be a little more substantial? I don't know. It cost me ony a few dollars and an hour to make, so it's not a big deal, but still...

Pics behind the cut.

Some More Projects to Add to the DIY List

- Some kind of coverup to go over my dress (March weather is a tossup in NYC)
- Ring Pillow

I think it's time to start making a high level schedule for all this.

I Think I Messed Up the Save the Dates

So, I finished the save the date cards last week (woo-hoo!) and sent them off to the printer. A couple of days ago, I realized I may have left off something really important. Instead of listing hotel options, I only referred my guests to our wedding website "for more information". I thought this would be enough information until I started looking at all the save the dates I've received in the last few months, and all of them (except one) have hotel information either as an extra insert or on the back of the card.

I think that most of my guest list would know to look at the website, and over half are local and wouldn't need hotels, but I got to thinking if this is something that needs to be spelled out.

What do I do?
- Option A - make a quick insert and put it in with the save the dates
- Option B - stop thinking about it, the referral to the website is enough and you are comparing yourself to other people which you swore you wouldn't do

I Just Have to Get This Off My Chest

There is no theme to my wedding.

I refuse to have one or two words define the mood, I will not match everything, and it's very likely that what we end up having will not make any sense to anybody there. But that doesn't matter... it will make sense to me and Dude.

After we got engaged, I mistakenly used the term "whimsical" to my mom, but what I really meant was "non-traditional". But, that's not entirely true either. We are using some traditional elements (not a lot, but some) and some non-traditional. Our sites are modern and my dress is kind of romantic and vintagey. We'll do a cake cutting, but no bouquet toss (that is a post for another day).

We are not throwing a wedding with a theme. We are throwing a party and the theme is wedding.

More than a few people have given me weird looks when I try to explain this.

One of my friends said it best, as she tried to calm me down after a particularly frustrating day. She said that some people are really, really, really into personalizing their weddings, and if you don't either, then they view it as a reflection of your (poor) taste.

You know what? I do have poor taste. I hang on to old clothes and old furniture and there is no cohesive design to my apartment. The Queer Eye guys (remember those guys?) and Tim Gunn would certainly frown on me. But that's me. I never claimed to be a classy lady. I like things that are comfortable and things that make me laugh. I prefer to invest in nice electronics and books rather than clothes and accessories. I have kind of a sick sense of humor. I don't really have any romantic sensibilities and I hate hate hate kissing pictures.

To me, a great ceremony is one in which people are giggling and laughing, not crying and sentimental.

Now that I've said it... let's boogie.

For My Sanity

DIY Projects (I'm sure this is not the final list)

Save the Dates (completed)
Invitation Sets - Invitations, RSVP Cards
Centerpieces
Cupcake Stand
Programs
Veil
Hairpiece
Out of Town Bags (undecided if we're having these)
Birdseed Holders

Everyone Says I'll Be Sorry, But...

Here's one confession that will make all wedding planners, both traditional and not, gasp...

Dude and I don't really care too much about pictures.

Every book and website I've seen has been all, you have to invest in photography, because that will be the only thing you have for the years to come that will remind you of your wedding day.

That's great and awesome and I totally agree... but we just don't care. There are a few big pictures that I want (portraits, family shots, and a few surprises that you'll have to wait until the wedding to see), but that's it. And with the proliferation of digital cameras, I am more than confident that my family and friends will all take photos of which we'll want copies anyway.

So I just didn't see any point in dropping the 10% of the budget I'm supposed to drop on a photographer. Basically all we wanted was a photographer who wouldn't be annoying and all in everyone's faces, who could capture all the important stuff, and could be easygoing and not let my sometimes overeager aunt hog all the pictures.

We decided to go with Mariano Delgado. This is the one shot that finally convinced me that he was our man:



And, one of my coworkers is a budding photographer who wants to build his wedding portfolio for extra cash. I think I could talk him into being a second photographer for REAL cheap (hopefully free).