With the honeymoon over and the dust finally settled I have officially graduated from wedding planning. I don't think I'm done with Hits and Misses, I may still sprinkle some in from time to time as recollections come back to me, but while they are fresh in my mind I'd like to share my lessons learned. Feel free to disregard because if you're anything like me, you dislike unsolicited advice.
Lesson 1: Your wedding is not about you. (Well, maybe it's 20% about you.)
No really, it's not. Everyone says it is and they make a big deal out of it, but when what you want is something that deviates from the norm, people WILL GIVE YOU A HARD TIME ABOUT IT. They may actually voice their opinion, or they may, like most courteous people, simply shut their mouths and keep their judgements to themselves. But rest assured, those judgements are there. Everyone thinks they have a say about what you want and what is best for you. I suspect this only gets worse once the babies come, but it starts at wedding planning.
I am headstrong and stubborn and definitely prefer the make-my-own-mistakes school of learning, so this was one of my peeves from the beginning and why I didn't really want a wedding. But as the decisions were made and the date got closer I came to the realization that weddings are mostly a time of togetherness. For family and friends who might not see each other that often, to get together and celebrate the union of two families. It is also a time for other couples to remember their own vows and the happy times in their lives.
Yes, you are the center of attention, the gifts are all for you, the photos are all of you... but really it's about more than just you. And because of that, compromises must be made.
Lesson 2: Contrary to what the wedding industry and the blog universe tells you, your wedding does NOT have to be personal.
Your wedding is not any less legitimate whether you DIY everything and spend $1000 any more than it is when you splurge on everything and spend $50,000. None of that makes a difference. The only measurement of a successful wedding is that the couple is actually married at the end of the day. Keeping it personal is a nice touch, but not necessary, so don't stress yourself out over that.
Of course, keep in mind that I spent very much time making my wedding personal. And you know what, it drove me crazy! If I could do it over again, I would have ordered the programs instead of making them myself, and maybe asked one of my bridesmaids to make the wedding slideshow.
Lesson 3: Find a happy place.
Like I said above, if what you want is not what other people think you should want, they will tell you. Everyone complains about something. The colors, the transportation (or in our case, the lack of), the weather, the room temperature, etc. Find a happy place. Go there often. Mine is Paradise Island in the Philippines. I mentally visited that beach two, three times a week. After you've visited your happy place, you will be in a much better condition to either acquiesce to the requests of your family and friends or put your foot down and fight for what you want no matter what it takes.
Lesson 4: Do not ever use the word "perfect."
Seriously, ban it from your vocabulary, and if anybody tries to use it to pressure you into doing something, ignore it with all your might. Newsflash: Your wedding is not going to be perfect. It may be the most fun time you've had, the best day of your life, but it won't be perfect. Something's going to go wrong. The photographer forgets a shot, the DJ plays a song you don't like, your mother takes away the cupcakes before you've had a chance to have one...
I had fun at my wedding. I barely spent any time with my husband, I was busy dancing, but I had fun. All of my loved ones were there. I married the best man I've ever met. But you can totally bet that I farted during the ceremony. Far from perfect.
Lesson 5: Don't forget your future spouse.
Fight these battles together. Complain to each other. Deal with your families together. The word of the lesson is: together. It's so much easier when there's two.
New Year, New Blog!
16 years ago
2 comments:
Great advice (even for one who is also of the independent, make-my-own-mistakes mindset)! Especially #4: I fall too often into wanting things to be "perfect," and being so disappointed when they are not (see: my fiance's birthday last year, when I spent all day making two cakes and then dropped them, face down, of course, on the sidewalk. wah!) I need to ditch the 'perfect.'
@one barefoot bride - i'm a perfectionist by nature, so this was a hard lesson to learn... i hear ya. and sorry about the cakes.
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